Repost: Guarding Your Vision

This is a repost from October 2012 that I very much needed to revisit.
Thought perhaps some of you may need a reminder as well.
Namaste.



Vision.

Your vision.

What is it you want to manifest into the world?

Let’s brainstorm.

Be specific.

Is it your own restaurant, a book, a film, a family life, a business?

Is it traveling the world, living in a mansion, driving an Italian sports car, flying a jet?

What does it look like, feel like, smell like, sound like?

What is your vision for your best life?

Many people answer this question with “Well, my vision is just to get the bills paid on time, to get by.” Nope. Sorry, I’m going to have to call BS on that statement. That is not your vision. That is no one’s vision. That is simply the circumstances for which you and I and so many others have been conditioned to settle. There’s nothing wrong with paying the bills on time but that is only a stepping stone to your real vision. Think bigger. 

It’s ok – this is just between you and me. 

Actually this is just between you and you.

The importance of having a vision is in its power to move you. A vision will pull you forward. A vision will pull you out of depression. A vision will keep you going under the most grueling of circumstances. Don’t take my word for it. Pick up a copy of Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning”. Reading that book is life changing. If you’re more of a movie buff, go and rent the gorgeous “La Vita e Bella” (Life is Beautiful).  The message is the same. Your vision is more powerful than your external circumstances. Your vision will keep you moving and pull you forward. So go ahead. Think big. Think HUGE.  Make a vision board. Put it on your Pinterest. Scrapbook it.  Journal about it. Your vision is only for you.

Let me say that again: Your vision is for you. Here’s a really cool thing about the Universe, God, Krishna, Louise, whatever you call your Source (for our purposes we’ll say God, because it’s the easiest to type). Pay attention now:

If God gives you the vision, God will give you the provision.
 

God is not going to send your provision through your sister’s vision, or your friend’s vision, or your mom’s vision of how it can be accomplished. Your vision is for you.

This means that after all the vision-creation and praying, you have to get up off your knees, get up off your ass and begin moving in the direction of your vision. The responsibility is yours. Take a course; get a part time job in your new field. You must do the thing that scares you. Do you know what happens if you don’t step out of your comfort zone? Nothing. A whole lot of nothing.

That being said, you must also guard your vision. You don’t take a premature baby out of the womb or the incubator and show her to all and sundry. “Look! Look at this baby I’m incubating! When she’s all ready to be born, she’s going to be something!” You don’t expose your little baby-vision to all the germs and cooties and negativity that some people might rain down on her little head. She won’t survive, and then you’ll be heartbroken for the rest of your life. No, rather you guard her, protect her and only expose her to those whom you know for sure will nurture and protect your baby vision, just as you would. You get around those who will support your vision and help her grow until she is ready to be birthed into the world. Finding support is relatively easy in the information age – it’s a big internet out there, people- and if you have a vision, guaranteed someone out there has a similar one. Google it.

The flip-side of that is you must also protect your vision from what I like to call the “Crazymakers”. These are the people who will crap all over your vision, not because they don’t love you, (many of them will be your close friends and family) but because they just don’t get it, and that’s ok. Your vision is for you. It’s not for them; however your little baby vision must be protected from them at all costs. They are not in line with your vision for any number of reasons, usually traceable back to their own childhood programming and damage. Don’t be mad, it has nothing to do with you. Many Crazymakers are fearful that if you achieve your dreams they’ll be left behind; or it will point out to them how they gave up on their vision. Regardless, they come at you with their own agendas that have nothing to do with nurturing your vision. You must not expose your vision regularly to those who are not in line with its manifestation or it will die.
It. Will. Die.  Guarding it is your responsibility.

There are five types of toxic people that are absolute dream killers. I’m sure you know at least one of them. Some people are combinations of two or more of these types. If they’re in your family or circle of friends, by all means, love them, honor them, but for your own sake, don’t share your dream with them. Let them be dazzled when your dream manifests in all its glory.

The Complainer
This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn't working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you and other people. Nothing is ever his fault. He’s been cheated, mistreated, misunderstood and done wrong. And it’s everyone’s fault but his.

The Vampire
This is the needy person who constantly calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation. Four words you’ll rarely hear her utter: “So, how are YOU?”

The Shamer
This person is hazardous to your health. Run; don’t walk to the nearest exit. The shamer will cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas, almost always in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and will try to convince you that this criticism is for your own good. His favorite saying is, “Well, I’m just being honest.” The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his. His agenda is to build himself up by embarrassing you.

 The Devil’s Advocate
This is the person who discounts or takes exception to everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and gains energy by finding fault with another’s position. It is really quite exhausting to have a conversation with this contentious person, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen. Then you end up avoiding them out of plain old weariness.

The Town Crier
This person tries to create a sense of intimacy by talking with you about others, behind their backs. They want you to feel privileged to be “in the know”. The Town Crier gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest "scoop." By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he'll talk about someone else, he'll talk about you. Your inside stuff and more importantly, your vision, simply aren’t safe with this person.

Vision.

Your Vision.

What is it that you want to manifest into the world?

See it, feel it, smell it, touch it, taste it.
Most of all, protect it. 
It's your baby.

I will leave you today with an old, Italian joke:

A man goes everyday to church and kneels before the statue of St Francis of Assisi. “Francesco” he pleads, “Please, please, please, help me to win the lottery!”For weeks and weeks, he goes every day to the statue, and on his knees, begs:

“Please, please, please, help me to win the lottery!”

Finally after months of begging, St Francis comes to life, steps down off his pedestal and says to the man:
“My son, please, please, PLEASE…… buy a ticket!”

Your vision is your ticket.

Go get it.

Finding Beauty in the Mundane

Hello Darlings!
So I've been a bit blocked and doing some excavation. In digging through my past writings, I found a series of exercises I did during one particularly brutal bout of writer's block.
One exercise in particular caught my attention. 
I thought it rather good, if I may say so. 

Even though it is years old, it speaks to my current belief that part of my mission in life is to inspire people to be better. Not to do more, to be better. Not to have more, but to be better. Inside. I firmly believe the road to that goal is paved in moments. Everyday, mundane, ain't-no-big-thing moments. 

So I'm sharing one with you that I think is pretty relatable. 

Prompt: Write 400-500 words about a less than remarkable aspect of your life.

  Laundry.

 

It’s heavy. The basket, I mean. I look down the murky stairwell of my ivory tower and sigh at the thought of descending, step by burdened step, out into the irksome damp. I wish for the grace of those straight backed African women who can fluidly tip a basket to the top of their head and stride boldly with swinging arms. I am not so graceful. So, I schlump down the steps, listing like a drunken sailor, and fall out the front door. Juggling basket, soap and big hips, I cross the street. Moving as if shackled, I trudge up the ramp into the Laundromat and collapse in a heap of weariness and my son’s BVD’s.

Breathe. Just get it done.

Fetch a big, wheely basket and transfer the tangled mess of jeans and hoodies/ Load the machines: light, dark, colors, three in a row. Add soap and quarters, and breathe. 

In the bottom of the basket is a book. Excellent. Sit on beach blue molded plastic and transport to somewhere else. Outstanding.

The damned buzzer rings. Stupid, shrill call back to here. Drag up and back to the wheely basket to dredge the soggy lump down and skate over to the cavernous dryer. Brush off the sudden urge to climb in there in the hopes that it’s actually a teleportation device, cleverly disguised. Load damp clothes in, insert quarters, go! Breathe.

Back to the awkward chair and the book. Gone. No smell of bleach remains. No rumble of machinery, no coughing old man can penetrate the force field of gorgeous prose that enters through my eyes and insulates me utterly. Longer, this time, the respite before the cranking whine of the slowing dryer calls me back. Look lingeringly at the page and, sighing, arise to unwanted duty.

Open the door. Roll away the stone. Suddenly I’m fogged over in the enveloping scent of clean and warm. Breathe in. It’s good. Move the suddenly unburdensome burden to the chest high table and begin to make order of the chaos.  Jumbled pile of color becomes pristine stripes of folded precision. This isn’t so bad. Suddenly, there are only skyscrapers of warm, perfect clothes.

Carefully place each square in the basket. Breathe. Lift the weighty, clean smelling basket onto one big hip and stride back across the street, soap swinging from the free arm. Smile.

Perhaps grace in motion is a state of mind after all. Ascend lightly the stairs from dark into light and place careful rectangles at the foot of each bed. Wonderful emptiness in the basket, except for the battered book. 

Excellent. 

Breathe. 

"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." ~Zen Proverb

Namaste, 

Shanna

Get Aligned With Your Best Life

I used to work in corporate training and sales management. It was a good gig. It helped me raise my family. It allowed me to hold the fort while my children were growing up and needed the stability of little things like a paycheck and health insurance. It taught me that one of my callings, if not my biggest calling in life, is to inspire others. It brought me into daily fellowship with some extraordinary people. So why am I no longer doing that?
One word: alignment. 

As much as I loved those with whom I worked and aspects of my various corporate jobs; there was always a vague restlessness, a feeling that I was waiting, impatient for my real work to begin. I was hopelessly out of alignment.

You see, I am not someone who will ever feel aligned in a cubicle. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am a creative person. Now that I need be a fort-holder no longer, I align myself with my purpose and passion. I use the tools my corporate life gave me to be a better writer, a better artist and a more complete me. I am aligned.
Well, most of the time, anyway.

Do not make the mistake of underestimating alignment and its importance in our lives. How many of us even bother to consider the state of our physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual alignment? We know when our cars are out of alignment, we start drifting off the road, and have to constantly, manually readjust to “stay in our lane”. Sometimes, we grip the steering wheel tightly, white-knuckled; thinking that it may help us stay “aligned”. In fact, what we really need to do is to check the tire pressure and wear, and get ourselves into the shop for an all-wheel alignment. Then, when we return to our journey, we won’t have to constantly course correct, and we can relax our grip on the steering wheel of life a little…

So in my favored format of “three things”, I give you:

3 Ways to Get into Alignment.

 

1. Meditate. – Are you tired of hearing me say this, my darlings? Too bad. I will keep saying it  because it’s true. Don’t take my word for it. There exists study after study showing the efficacy of meditation not only for aligning your mind, body and spirit but also for stress management, battling depression, increased immunity, increased fertility, relief of inflammation, lowered blood pressure, and emotional balance. The University of Pennsylvania study showed that these benefits increase exponentially with daily practice and can even significantly reduce the severity of congestive heart failure. Allow yourself to get still so you can hear the small voice of spirit tell you what it wants. Just do it. It’s good for you.  
 

2. Visualize. – See your ideal life as if it already exists. This is not a new technique but how many of us actually do it? Decorate your dream home. Drive your Maserati. See your name on the New York Times Bestseller list or the Billboard Top 100. It needn’t take scads of time. Five to ten minutes daily should do it, once you’re somewhat practiced at it. Make it real. See it, smell it, taste it as if it is here now. (Hint: it is.) Most importantly, feel the emotions you know you will feel when your life is aligned and on purpose. Your emotions are powerful tools for manifestation, Use them.

3. Know and Walk Your Truth – This is your truth, not your parents’ expectations, not your friends’ idea of what is “normal”, not what you’ve been told you should be or do or want. Dig deep. Find what makes you come alive, even if you will meet with disapproval and even if it scares the bejesus out of you, especially, if it scares the bejesus out of you. Know for sure that what you want, wants you. Because it does.  It always has. (Matthew 7:7-8) Just get out of your own way and allow it to show up.

When you practice these three steps every day, with some degree of consistency, your actions cannot help but follow suit. You cannot help but begin to manifest in ways large and small the life you desire and the life you were put on this Earth to live. And when you are moving through the world in alignment with your highest purpose, the Universe conspires on your behalf and miraculous things occur. Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself.

Be well.

Feathering the Empty Nest... What Now?

The empty nest.

Some parents dread it.

Some parents can’t wait.

Let’s be honest, some parents haven’t experienced it yet, though their kids are in their thirties.

But I think most feel a combination of the dread and anticipation embodied in the single question:

What now?

What indeed.

There are a million decisions to be made. Correction, there are a million choices to be made. You see, your children are adults now. Your choices no longer possess the urgency they did when you were making decisions for them as well. Relax. Breathe. You now have the time to do both. You don’t have to sell the house and move to Boca Raton. At least not now. Hold off on buying the bejeweled track suit just yet. Relax. Breathe.

It’s time to take stock.

Let’s look at the things you no longer have to do. You no longer have to pick up socks from random places socks were never meant to be. You no longer have to sew Halloween costumes that absolutely must look like an authentic Jedi uniform. You no longer have to wipe boogers, catch spit-out food barehanded or clean up projectile vomiting. You never have to change another diaper as long as you live. You are no one’s chauffer, maid, personal assistant, chef, party planner, personal shopper, ATM or nurse. Now if you’re like me, this is a mixed blessing. I don’t miss the boogers. I do miss the little face looking up at me as if I could fix everything that came attached to said boogers. Those little faces have already gone through the “Mom’s-so-dumb-she-doesn’t-know-anything” teenage years and now look at me as I am – a flawed human who did the best she could and still has a few pearls of wisdom to dispense.

So now you have been fired from the countless jobs you had when your children lived at home. Congratulations! You’ve done well. Ultimately, your job a parent is to put yourself out of a job.

Yay! You did it. You raised self-sufficient human beings. The question remains- What now?

Taking Stock – Three Lists

Whether you are elated, miserable or some combination of the two over your empty nest, the fact remains that you now have some expendable time. Let’s think way back, before you had children. What did you love to do, when you were just you and no one’s parent?  Make a list. Revisit those things to see if they still hold any charm for you. Now let’s try thinking back over the twenty plus years you were raising your children. How many times did you see something, a trip, a business opportunity, an idea for a great book, or a chance to volunteer that you were unable to pursue because you chose to be fully present for those little people you brought into the world. Make another list. Finally, let’s recall all those crazy, harebrained schemes you wouldn’t dare even entertain the thought of doing while you had kids at home. Sky diving? Bungee jumping? White-water rafting? Ok, maybe not so extreme. How about running a marathon, taking a meditation retreat to an ashram, or chucking your corporate gig to open your own business? All possibilities are on the table. Make a third list. Good. Now let’s get moving.

Taking Action – Three Dares

Now you have three lists of things that, if pursued wholeheartedly, will fully use your ability, passion and talent as well as using up your expendable time. 

Your next step is to choose one item from each list. Take your time and really mull over which item on each list calls to your soul. Which items will give you a real sense of accomplishment?  Then dare yourself. Double-dare yourself. No, let’s not be wishy-washy, triple-dog-dare yourself to do those three things. Give yourself a time line. Write it down and place it where you will see it every day. For example: “I, (your name), will relearn how to ride horseback, become a volunteer at the animal shelter and run a half marathon by exactly one year from today.” Sign it and date it. This is your contract with yourself. You are reclaiming yourself as something more than someone’s parent. Honor that promise to yourself as you would honor a promise you made to your children. It is that important. No, don’t argue. It is. 

Now you’ve answered the three small questions that make up the big question: What now?

Specifically: What have I accomplished so far? What is possible? What is my next step?

You have also made a commitment to yourself to pursue three things that are for you and only you. You are re-feathering your empty nest in your own beautiful colors.

You no longer have to pick up socks from random places socks were never meant to be. You no longer have to wipe boogers, catch spit-out food barehanded or clean up projectile vomiting. You never have to change another diaper as long as you live…. 

Until the grandchildren arrive.

Enjoy!

Get Your Zen On…. Show Up, Let Go.

I am fortunate enough to have a great and varied assortment of friends. Most have one thing in common. We make ourselves coo-coo with anxiety over how our work, our relationships, our very selves are received. We want to feel joyful and appreciated; we want to avoid pain. Yet we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.

We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things over which we have zero control, and then hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss, whether it’s real or imaginary. Then we dissolve into grief when something changes—a lay off, a break up, a rejection letter. We attach to feelings as if they define us, and ironically, not just positive ones. If you’ve ever wallowed in regret or disappointment for years, it can seem safe and even comforting to suffer. It’s familiar. It’s what we know. It’s home. In clinging to the familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present.  A moment can’t possibly radiate fully when it is smothered in “what-if” fear.

When you stop trying to grasp, own, and control the world and circumstances around you, you give it the freedom to fulfill you - without the power to destroy you.  When you stop trying to force outcomes; you can sit in an experience and truly, well, experience it! That’s why letting go is so important: letting go is letting peace and bliss in.
This not a one-time decision, like pulling off a band-aid. Rather, it’s a daily, moment-to-moment commitment that involves shifting the way you experience and interact with the very things you instinctively want to clutch tightly.

 

Experiencing This Moment

Accept this moment as it is. Don’t try to recreate something from the past; that moment is spent. Don’t contrive how you can make this moment last forever. Just settle into the moment and enjoy it because it, too, will eventually pass. Nothing is permanent. Resisting that reality will only cause you pain.
Know that right now is enough. Because it’s true—tomorrow won’t be the same as today, no matter how much you try to control it. A relationship might end. You might have to find a new job. Asteroids might come hurtling towards the Earth. Deal with those moments when they arrive. All you need right now is gratitude for what is. It’s enough.
Check yourself. Learn what it looks like to grasp at people, things, or circumstances so you can redirect your thoughts. When you find yourself brooding over keeping, controlling, manipulating, or losing something, instead simply experience it. Define yourself in fluid terms. We are all constantly evolving and growing. Define yourself in terms that can withstand change. Defining yourself by possessions, roles, and relationships breeds discontent because if all you are is what you do or what you have then when you are not doing or having, you are nothing.

 

Letting Go of Dependency

Befriend yourself. It is extremely difficult to release people when necessary, if you depend on them for your sense of worth. You are worthy whether someone else validates you or not. By awakening to this fact, you begin to relate to people—not just how they make you feel about yourself.
Go solo sometimes. Cultivate your own interests, ones that nothing and no one can take away. Don’t let them hinge on anyone or anything other than your values and passion.


Hold gently. This one isn’t just about letting go—it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships. Contrary to current popular romantic mythology, you are no one’s other half. You are a complete and whole being just as you are, right now. By all means, hold loved ones close to your heart; just remember, if you squeeze too tightly, you’ll  both suffocate. Stop telling yourself lies.” I can’t let him go—I’ll be miserable without him. I’d die if I lost her—she’s all that I have.”  These thoughts strengthen beliefs that are not facts, even if they feel like it. The only way to be healthy and feel less pain is to know you’re strong enough to carry on if and when things change.
Everyone needs people, and there are seven billion on the planet. Stay open to connection.

 

Releasing the Past

The past cannot be changed. Even if you obsess about it endlessly. Even if you chastise yourself. Even if you refuse to accept it. It is over. The only way to relieve your pain about what happened is give up the hope that that past could have been any different. It couldn’t because it wasn’t. No one and nothing else can create peace in your head for you.
Choose love, not fear. When you cling to the past, it often has to do with fear; fear you messed up your chance at happiness or fear you’ll never know such happiness again. Reframe your thinking to focus on what is joyous about your life now and you’ll create happiness instead of worrying about it.  
Create Yourself. Instead of thinking of what you did or didn’t do, the type of person you were or weren’t, do something worthwhile now. Be someone worthwhile now. Reinvent your life the way you envision it. Make today so full and meaningful there’s no room to dwell on yesterday.
Tell a New Story. How we experience the world is largely a result of how we narrate it to ourselves. Instead of telling yourself dramatic stories about the past—how hurt you were or how hard it was—challenge your emotions and focus on the lessons you have learned. That is really all that is needed from your past.

 

 

 

Stop Trying to Force Outcomes

Let it be. This doesn’t mean stop actively working to create tomorrow. It simply means you

make peace with now, as is, without worrying that something is wrong with you or your life. Operate from living and loving right now, and improving the future. Show up for the work every day and the results will take care of themselves.
Question your attachment. If you’re attached to a specific outcome—the perfect job, the perfect relationship—you may be indulging the common illusion of “Some day when everything is perfect, then I can be happy”. No moment will ever be worthier of your joy than now because that’s all there ever is.
Embrace uncertainty. Life is uncertain, no matter how strong your intention. Obsessing about what may happen, wastes today. There will always be a tomorrow on the horizon. Life holds no guarantees about how it will play out. How well you live today places you in alignment for a better tomorrow.
Get on purpose. You needn’t have scads of money in the bank to live a meaningful life right now. Figure out what is important to you, and fill pockets of time indulging it. Audition. Volunteer. Redecorate. Whatever it is that you love, do it. Don’t wait—do it now.

 

Feelings Are Not Facts

Understand that loss is unavoidable. No matter how well you do anything and everything in life, you will lose things that matter and feel some level of pain. But it needn’t derail your entire peace of mind. Pain and loss only mean that you care deeply for something or someone. This too shall pass. As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Talk it out. Engage your feelings. acknowledge them, express them, and then let them naturally transform. Even if you want to dwell in anger, sadness or frustration—especially if you feel like dwelling—save yourself the pain and commit to working through them.
Write it out. Then toss it out. You won’t always have the opportunity or even the desire to express your feelings to the people who inspired them. Don’t swallow them. Write in a journal. Write it out and set it aflame in a blaze of forgiveness. Anything that helps you release and free yourself.
Get Grateful. I know, I sound as if I’m stuck on repeat but this one thing alone transforms everything. It allows you to fully embrace your happy moments—love with abandon; be so passionate it’s contagious. If a darker moment follows, remember: it will teach you something, and it will pass. You will soon be in another happy moment in which to rejoice. Everything is cyclical.

 

 

 

Let Go

Allow peace. Most of us desire to feel happy and peaceful. Even if you feel as if you want to stay angry or upset, what your soul ultimately wants is to be at peace. It takes a conscious choice to process the emotion and allow it to transform or pass.

Get Your Zen On. Experience, appreciate, and let go to welcome another experience.
It isn’t always easy. Sometimes you will attach yourself physically and mentally to people and “stuff”—as if it gives you some sense of control or security. You may even strongly believe you’ll be happy if you struggle to hold onto what you have. That’s OK. It’s human nature.
Just know you have the power to choose from moment to moment how you experience things: with a sense of possession, anxiety, and fear, or with a sense of freedom, peace and love.

 
It’s a choice. What do you choose?

Insane Courage, Embarrassing Bravery

The question I ponder more than any other most days is this: 

What makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives? 

Is there a single factor that shapes and controls our happiness or our destiny? 

Most people think that our history decides our destiny, that the past equals the future.  Well….. It can—but only if you live there.  Any study of history shows that the difference in the success or failure of human beings comes down to one thing: an ability to harness the power of decision, often in spite of crazy, adverse conditions. 

“Success and failure are not overnight experiences. It’s the small decisions along the way that cause people to fail or succeed. It’s the power of decision that led Rosa Parks to remain in her seat and state, “No, I will not go to the back of the bus.” It took a forceful decision to compel an unarmed man to stand in front of a tank at Tienanmen Square. It was the strength of decision that led President John F. Kennedy to declare that an American would be first to walk on the moon by the end of the 1960s. “

–Anthony Robbins

Making a decision only takes an instant – but as the quote above states- it requires courage- Just 20 seconds of insane courage, of embarrassing bravery.  It’s the vacillating, over thinking, and worrying that take weeks, months, or years. Once you have made a real decision – it’s instantaneous.  Follow through is the only possible option.

Example: Anyone who knows me knows I used to smoke cigarettes.  A lot. Chimneys had nothing on me.  I also had quit smoking eighty-four thousand times, unsuccessfully. Why? Because I didn’t really want to quit.  I used nicotine as my panacea for stress, my weight loss/maintenance program, my social awkwardness eliminator.  All this, despite the fact that I watched everyone in my family drop dead of heart disease.  I knew better, of course, but my addiction was stronger than any reason I could come up with to quit. It wasn’t until I started to value myself more and started to hate the way I felt, physically, that I made the real decision to quit smoking. I screwed up every bit of courage I had, reminded myself of the compelling reasons I had to quit (my children and grandchild, my health and well being) and I quit cold turkey. I have not picked up one cigarette since then and have no desire to smoke. Not even a tiny bit. Why? Because I’d made a real decision to look past the lies I was telling myself about how smoking was managing my stress, my weight, etc.  I suffered some physical withdrawal symptoms for about a month and then it was over.  I am no more stressed than I was while I smoked. I have not gained an ounce; in fact I’m in far better shape than I ever was.  It was all self-deception. Once I shifted my focus on to gaining good health, instead of losing my ‘pacifier’, being smoke-free became second nature.  I felt extremely powerful and was able to build on that success to make more and more empowering decisions for my life.

Let’s be honest here:  decision is the ultimate power—and there are three core decisions each of us makes every moment of every day. These decisions have the capacity to empower, advance, frustrate or derail us, depending on what we choose:

Decision: What are you choosing to focus on?

Remember that what you place your attention upon is what expands in your life. Do you focus on things you’re excited about, your goals, projects or passions?  Do you focus on things you fear?  Do you “what if” yourself into fear paralysis? Wherever your focus goes, your energy flows.

Decision: What does this mean?

Is the situation you are currently experiencing the end or the beginning? Do you live in a world where you are being punished or rewarded? The minute you decide to focus on something, you give it a meaning. Your definition of any event produces emotion about that event and determines how you feel about it going forward.  But YOU choose what it means.  Your friend didn’t call you back could mean they hate you, could mean they’re busy.  Without talking to them, where does your head automatically go? We need to change the default settings of our thinking to the most positive possibility instead of the most negative.

Decision : What are you going to do about it?

Bottom line: are you going to give up or follow through? The meanings we assign to our life events influence the actions we take as a result. A real, deep-down decision is always preceded by that 20 seconds of insane courage, and is always followed by action, however small.  It’s our decisions, not our conditions that shape the ultimate quality of our lives. The decision you make, right now, can change the course of your life forever.

Be Brave.

Decide.

Act.

Succeed.

 I’ll be right here, cheering you on!

Let's Talk About Fear, Bay-bee.

Oh, Fear...
That old friend that has kept us alive since way back when the primeval versions of ourselves were running around, fending off mastodons. 

That old enemy that keeps us from doing the things that call to our deepest soul.

Fear is the ultimate "frenemy".

Let's be fair.
Fear isn't all bad. (see: mastodons, fending off of - )
It's programmed into our DNA to keep us from hurtling off cliffs or letting our daughters date drummers. A healthy measure of fear is part of our survival mechanism. When fear becomes problematic is when it paralyzes us from doing things we long to do, or things know we ought to do. Let's take a look at some of the most common forms fear takes in everyday life and what we can do to put it in it's place.

The psychological condition of fear is, in most cases in modern life, divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger (i.e. mastodons). It's more often fear of something that may never happen that stops us in our tracks. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, nervousness, anxiety, panic, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in some imagined future. This creates an anxiety gap. And if you have identified with this imagined outcome, that anxiety gap will be your constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with a future that does not exist yet. We humans are the only creatures on earth who do this. The human ego is very vulnerable and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the person is outwardly very confident. Now remember that an emotion is the body's reaction to your thoughts. This is important: Fear, like all emotions, is physical. It exists in the  body. What message is the body receiving continuously from the ego? Danger, I am under threat. And what is the emotion generated by this continuous message? Fear, of course.

So how does it manifest? Like this:

Staying in Situations That No Longer Serve Our Well-Being 
How often in our lives do we stay in a job that sucks the life out of us or a relationship that sucks the soul out of us? We've all done it, but why? Because the alternative that we've dreamed up is far worse, in our fearful minds, than the situation that is currently draining our life dry.
We couldn't possibly stand up and calmly leave the toxic relationship. That would make us a bad person. Our fear projects a future where we are alone, eating frozen lean cuisines for one and are utterly unlovable because we're such a loser.
We couldn't possibly leave our soul-sucker of a job. That would make us a quitter and irresponsible. Our fear projects a future where we are homeless, destitute and no doubt smelly and utterly unlovable because we're such a loser.

Let me ask you this?
Have you ever been fired from a job?
Have you ever been dumped?
Ever had those two things happen at the same time?
It seems like the end of the world.
But caving in to your fear wasn't an option. Your worst fear has come upon you and you can cope, you can recover, you can even thrive - because you must. It is here now and we CAN cope with real situations in the present moment. The Universe has just removed you from the situation you were too fearful to leave on your own. You're welcome.
 Cut to six months later: You're in a better job or have started your own business, you are more fulfilled and more abundant than you ever thought you could be.  The right people have arrived into your life right on time and you can't believe you were ever afraid. That catastrophe was the best thing that could have happened to you.

People-Pleasing 

I think everyone has had a time in their life when they've run around to all and sundry, pleading "Validate me! Please!"  We are social creatures by nature and the abject terror of our internal Judge Judy, of being judged and found wanting is the most universal fear there is. We don't want others to dislike us, to disapprove of us, to think less of us or to think we are a "bad person". So we scramble around trying to fulfill every one's needs but our own, which creates an expectation from others of our constant availability, which we then try to fill and have no idea how to stop the spiral for fear of being judged. The result? Burn out, depression and a lingering resentment for being taken for granted. The irony of this situation is that very few people respect a people-pleaser. Folks may appreciate what they do, but respect? Hardly.  It's hard to respect someone who has no boundaries. No boundaries denotes a lack of self-respect. And in case your mama didn't tell you - NO ONE will respect you if you don't respect yourself. You teach people how to treat you.

Paralysis
This is by far the most common manifestation of fear. Doing absolutely nothing. If I don't move, I can't make a wrong move, can I? That's safe. Right?
Wrong.
Here's a little truth cookie for you to munch on: If you are not consciously expanding your comfort zone, it contracts all by itself. This is undoubtedly the quickest route to hiding in your room, isolating yourself and greatly increases the chances of dying there, all alone and being eaten by your cats. All of creation is in motion. Standing still is not an option. Eventually you will have to do something.


So what's the antidote to fear?

Courage

 

If we learned nothing else from the Cowardly Lion's story in "The Wizard of Oz", we learned that courage is not the absence of fear. It is being absolutely terrified and doing what needs to be done anyway. It is facing the Wicked Witch, going through the Dark Forest even though "I do believe in spooks, I do, I do I do!" It is fainting in the face of the great and powerful Oz, and getting back up to receive our medal.
When we face our fears, we must remember: The flying monkeys have taken Dorothy. We're the only ones who can save her (and her little dog too!). The hourglass is on the table and now is the only time we have. What to do?



These 3 Things:

1. Take massive action. - As mentioned earlier, Fear, like all emotions, is physical. It exists in the  body. In order to move past fear, it is necessary to break the pattern of habitual thinking and acting that put us in fear to begin with. Do something, anything, to literally or symbolically take on fear in general.  Go ziplining, talk to a stranger, seek a support group, make it your business to educate yourself, learn to fire walk, dress up like a guard and sneak into the witch's castle, ANYTHING. Just take action. You needn't do it perfectly. Just do it.
2. Build on Successes - Every time you face something that scares you and don't die or anything, you've triumphed over fear. Keep the momentum going by taking another step and then another. If you fall, get back up. It's just a hiccup on your path and it will pass. Remember that what you put your attention upon is what expands in your life, so if you are consistently focusing on your successes, more successes will surely show up. Work on your weaknesses, by all means, but build upon your successes. Your gifts are unique and who will treasure them if you do not?
3. Embrace Fear as Energy - Think about it. Adrenaline is powerful stuff. The more intense your fear, the more energy it produces. You are a thinking being, you can choose what meaning to give that energy. Suppose you take that intense feeling and decide it will no longer be fear, it will be the power to produce change. What would happen then? It's your energy. You get to decide what it means. If your fear is screaming "I can't!", you can decide that this means "I MUST!".

You - 1
Fear - 0

You Win.

Second Act Fitness: Gravity is the Enemy.

So I've decided that Wednesdays are Fitness Day here at the Second Act.
I suppose I could give it some cutesie name like "Woohoo Workout Wednesdays!" 
But I'm not.
We're all grown ups here and let's be honest. Most of us work out because the alternative is sagging, bagging, bloating and feeling like crap. 
Nobody likes that. 
Gravity is the enemy.

That said, once fitness becomes a part of your life you discover that endorphins are as addictive as any other 'feel good' substance. Yes, including Oreos and wine.
On the days you don't work out you feel sluggish, restless and just "off". 

So how do you get to this state of endorphin bliss if the thought of going to the gym every day makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out?
That's easy.
Don't go to the gym.
I can hear the cries of "Blasphemer!" coming from my fitness addicted friends already.

 
The reality is, all you need to be fit is a good pair of shoes and a real desire to be fit. There's no magic at a gym, other than the fact that things are a bit more convenient there. I mean all that equipment in one place and all. 

 But I see really fit people doing things like flipping truck tires, running marathons and scaling cliff sides with nary a gym in sight. They do however, all have really good shoes.

Once you have the shoes, then really all it takes, as author Tony Robbins says, is the three S's 

 The right Strategy, Story and State.

Strategy - Well really, this is the easiest of the three. You don't need me to outline a strategy for you, there is certainly no shortage. You can easily open any magazine, turn on your TV, or go to one of the zillion websites devoted to getting you fit. (But since I love ya and for your convenience, I will link a few below) If you hate the idea of a gym, there are martial arts and kick boxing classes that meet outside, there are hiking clubs, you can get a bicycle, do yoga in your living room, dance in your kitchen, run around the block or walk the mall (where it's always 70 degrees and the people are nice!). Beach Body offers a plethora of programs to suit any style and fitness level right in your own home. You just press play. Quite frankly, all you need is to do something, anything, that makes you breathe hard and sweat for one hour a day. (Yes, sex counts too!) The most basic activity is also one of the most effective: Just walk as if you are late, for an hour a day. You can do that anywhere. Strategy? Check.

Story- Ah, this is where it gets a little trickier. Because we all have a story. The most common are "I don't have enough" stories. I don't have enough time, money, energy, I'm not healthy enough to exercise, whatever. The kicker is, those may be absolutely true facts. But the facts are less important that the story you tell yourself about those facts.
Story:"I've tried everything". Really? Everything? Is that really a true statement? When I question people on what they've tried what I usually find out is they've tried the same three things, that don't work, over and over. That is not trying everything. That's being stuck in your story. A new story you could tell yourself would be "I'm going to try one new thing a week until I find something that works for me."
Story: "I don't have time." We all have the same twenty four hours in a day. That's a fact. The new story you could tell yourself is "I'm going to set aside one, just one, of those hours to take care of this body, since it's the only one I get."
Story:"I don't have enough money." I think we've already clarified that all you really need is a pair of shoes. Pretty cost effective. Money isn't even a story. It's an excuse.

I would like to suggest to you that you state the facts, but then tell yourself a different story about those facts.

Here are some links that will illustrate what I'm talking about:

Walking to Heal Body and Soul

I Promise to be Fit by 50

Ernestine Started Fitness at 56, now at 75 is the World's Oldest Bodybuilder

These people told themselves a different story, an empowering story. And so can you. Enough said.

State- This is the most important "S".  You can't plan a successful strategy or tell yourself an empowering story if you are in a crappy emotional state. To quote Tony Robbins: "The psychological and emotional state we are in at any moment in time tends to shape our story. We all develop emotional patterns—moods—that filter how we look at our lives. The states we go into most often then become the most powerful filter of all. This filter determines whether or not we find the strategies necessary to succeed and whether or not we come up with a story that will empower us."  So how does one change a crappy state? In this case, it may seem like we need to put the cart before the horse. Because the fact is that motion creates emotion. For example: Did you ever say to yourself, "I really don't feel like working out today, I'm tired, I'm hungry, Can't I just sit down and eat a cookie?" (disempowering story) and then you say to yourself, "Ok, maybe I'll just walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes, just  so I don't have to feel guilty about the cookie." So you put on some upbeat music and trudge your tired, hungry self over to the treadmill. Amazingly, once the 15 minutes has passed, Lo and Behold, you do another 15, then another and you end up feeling fantastic. And the story you're now telling yourself is, "I'm fabulous. I bet I could eat TWO cookies now but I won't because I don't want to undo all my hard work."  Congratulations, you've changed your state.

 
 Only after your state and story are truly aligned with your desired outcomes can you identify the strategies and make the decisions that will lead you to success. One moment is all it takes: With a new state, a new story and a new strategy, life will never be the same again.

 

 
I would add two S's to Mr. Robbins', when talking specifically about fitness:

 Shoes - We've covered this, but let me reiterate. This is the only basic tool you need, so don't get stingy. Buy the best shoes you can afford for the activities that interest you. Cross-trainers are a good all purpose choice to start out.  Your knees and ankles will thank you.
 
Supplements- Let's face it - we're Second Actors, we're not kids anymore. The supplements that I take and that I am comfortable recommending are:

• A good multivitamin- this is essential for anyone of any age.
• Estroven - for those of you who, like me, are experiencing that special joy that is perimenopause and don't wish to go the hormone replacement route
• SeroVital-hgh - This is a series of amino acids that cause your pituitary gland to release your own natural human growth hormone at the levels it did when you were younger. It's really worked for me and has changed my life.

Please be responsible and consult your doctor before taking ANY supplement.
 
Here are the links I promised - All are free:

HasFit - Free online workouts
Yoga 
CrossFit Workout of the Day (WOD) 

 Now get out there and show those kids how we Second Actors roll!