Fabulous and Fit is a Lifestyle!

Some of you may already know that I've become a coach over at Team BeachBody! 
I decided to do this because there is an underserved market of people who want an intense work out, with intense results but may not want to go to a gym. I personally love to lift, but prefer to sweat in private when it's at all possible. So if you want to get fit together, and want it personalized for YOU; you should probably get in touch. I'd love to help.
Just click HERE to contact me about coaching.

We're all grown ups here and let's be honest. Most of us work out because the alternative is sagging, bagging, bloating and feeling like crap. 
Nobody likes that. 
Gravity is the enemy.

That said, once fitness becomes a part of your life you discover that endorphins are as addictive as any other 'feel good' substance. Yes, including Oreos and wine.
On the days you don't work out you feel sluggish, restless and just "off". 

So how do you get to this state of endorphin bliss if the thought of going to the gym every day makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out?
That's easy.
Don't go to the gym.
I can hear the cries of "Blasphemer!" coming from my fitness addicted friends already.

 
The reality is, all you need to be fit is a good pair of shoes and a real desire to be fit. There's no magic at a gym, other than the fact that things are a bit more convenient there. I mean all that equipment in one place and all. 

 But I see really fit people doing things like flipping truck tires, running marathons and scaling cliff sides with nary a gym in sight. They do however, all have really good shoes.

Once you have the shoes, then really all it takes, as author Tony Robbins says, is the three S's 

 The right Strategy, Story and State.

Strategy - Well really, this is the easiest of the three. You don't need me to outline a strategy for you, there is certainly no shortage. You can easily open any magazine, turn on your TV, or go to one of the zillion websites devoted to getting you fit. (But since I love ya and for your convenience, I will link a few below) If you hate the idea of a gym, there are martial arts and kick boxing classes that meet outside, there are hiking clubs, you can get a bicycle, do yoga in your living room, dance in your kitchen, run around the block or walk the mall (where it's always 70 degrees and the people are nice!).  Beach Body offers a plethora of programs to suit any style and fitness level right in your own home. You just press play. Quite frankly, all you need is to do something, anything, that makes you breathe hard and sweat for one hour a day. (Yes, sex counts too!) The most basic activity is also one of the most effective: Just walk as if you are late, for an hour a day. You can do that anywhere. Strategy? Check.

Story- Ah, this is where it gets a little trickier. Because we all have a story. The most common are "I don't have enough" stories. I don't have enough time, money, energy, I'm not healthy enough to exercise, whatever. The kicker is, those may be absolutely true facts. But the facts are less important that the story you tell yourself about those facts.
Story:"I've tried everything". Really? Everything? Is that really a true statement? When I question people on what they've tried what I usually find out is they've tried the same three things, that don't work, over and over. That is not trying everything. That's being stuck in your story. A new story you could tell yourself would be "I'm going to try one new thing a week until I find something that works for me."
Story: "I don't have time." We all have the same twenty four hours in a day. That's a fact. The new story you could tell yourself is "I'm going to set aside one, just one, of those hours to take care of this body, since it's the only one I get."
Story:"I don't have enough money." I think we've already clarified that all you really need is a pair of shoes. Pretty cost effective. Money isn't even a story. It's an excuse.

I would like to suggest to you that you state the facts, but then tell yourself a different story about those facts.

Here are some links that will illustrate what I'm talking about:

Walking to Heal Body and Soul

I Promise to be Fit by 50

Ernestine Started Fitness at 56, now at 75 is the World's Oldest Bodybuilder

These people told themselves a different story, an empowering story. And so can you. Enough said.

State- This is the most important "S".  You can't plan a successful strategy or tell yourself an empowering story if you are in a crappy emotional state. To quote Tony Robbins: "The psychological and emotional state we are in at any moment in time tends to shape our story. We all develop emotional patterns—moods—that filter how we look at our lives. The states we go into most often then become the most powerful filter of all. This filter determines whether or not we find the strategies necessary to succeed and whether or not we come up with a story that will empower us."  So how does one change a crappy state? In this case, it may seem like we need to put the cart before the horse. Because the fact is that motion creates emotion. For example: Did you ever say to yourself, "I really don't feel like working out today, I'm tired, I'm hungry, Can't I just sit down and eat a cookie?" (disempowering story) and then you say to yourself, "Ok, maybe I'll just walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes, just  so I don't have to feel guilty about the cookie." So you put on some upbeat music and trudge your tired, hungry self over to the treadmill. Amazingly, once the 15 minutes has passed, Lo and Behold, you do another 15, then another and you end up feeling fantastic. And the story you're now telling yourself is, "I'm fabulous. I bet I could eat TWO cookies now but I won't because I don't want to undo all my hard work."  Congratulations, you've changed your state.

 
 Only after your state and story are truly aligned with your desired outcomes can you identify the strategies and make the decisions that will lead you to success. One moment is all it takes: With a new state, a new story and a new strategy, life will never be the same again.

 

 
I would add two S's to Mr. Robbins', when talking specifically about fitness:

 Shoes - We've covered this, but let me reiterate. This is the only basic tool you need, so don't get stingy. Buy the best shoes you can afford for the activities that interest you. Cross-trainers are a good all purpose choice to start out.  Your knees and ankles will thank you.
 
Supplements- Let's face it - we're Second Actors, we're not kids anymore. The supplements that I take and that I am comfortable recommending are:

• A good multivitamin- this is essential for anyone of any age. 
• Shakeology -  I know you have no time. If you're grabbing a bagel or donut and coffee on the fly (and let's be honest, who isn't?), this is a supercharged alternative. It's yummy. It's filling. It won't make you sluggish or have a sugar crash like that donut and coffee will.  Do yourself a favor. Seriously. 
• Estroven - for those of you who, like me, are experiencing that special joy that is perimenopause and don't wish to go the hormone replacement route
• SeroVital-hgh - This is a series of amino acids that cause your pituitary gland to release your own natural human growth hormone at the levels it did when you were younger. It's really worked for me and has changed my life.

Please be responsible and consult your doctor before taking ANY supplement.
 
Here are the links I promised:

Team BeachBody (P90x, Insanity, HipHop Abs, Piyo, et al)
HasFit - Free online workouts
Yoga 
CrossFit Workout of the Day (WOD) 

 Now get out there and show everyone how we Second Actors roll!

Boys vs. Girls...with Bullets?

Boys have cooties... but seriously...
The mass shooting in Isla Vista has me disturbed. 
Deeply.

A woman looks at bullet holes Saturday in the window of IV Deli Mart where part of Friday night’s mass shooting took place in Isla Vista, Calif. AP/Jae C. Hong

 
Relax, my more conservative, American friends, I'm not going to go into my usual "we should have reasonable gun safety measures in place" rant. This, despite the facts pointing out that in England, last year, there were shootings in the double digits....meanwhile in Philadelphia, last week, there were also shootings in the double digits. Which means that  either gun control laws are effective, or British people couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. You decide.

No, what has upset my soul more than usual is the deeply misogynistic  motive behind the shootings and the fact that there is a culture in America that supports it.
From the time we are in first grade and play "Boys vs Girls" games on the playground our differences can go from making us cooperative and playful to competitive and sadly, violent.

I've been reading quite a bit about the incident and letting all the information marinate since it happened.  Obviously, as an intelligent, thinking woman I'm offended by the so-called "Pick Up Artist" (PUA) community and their ignorant, entitled idea that women were put on this earth to be available to any man in any capacity, regardless of that man's particular merit (or lack thereof). The level of sheer douchebaggery is staggering.  What is equally disturbing is that the shooter belonged to an online community that labeled itself 'PUA-Hate', meaning these are men disenfranchised from the PUA movement.  One look at their websites immediately reveals that these men aren't upset at the lies and attempted manipulation by these so called pick up artists. (Side note: their tactics would only be effective on very young girls with self esteem issues) These PUA-Haters are upset because those tactics DIDN'T WORK. That's it.  Literally: " Boohoo, I didn't get laid by the hot girl." Swear to God, I'm not making this up. Google it. 

I will grant you that the gunman was mentally disturbed.  It would be easy to dismiss his actions as that of a solitary, fringe lunatic. But the systematic programming and thinking that fueled his rage was neither solitary nor fringe.  Laurie Penny stated it well in her excellent article in New Statesman:

"The ideology behind these attacks—and there is ideology—is simple. Women owe men. Women, as a class, as a sex, owe men sex, love, attention, “adoration,” in Rodger’s words. We owe them respect and obedience, and our refusal to give it to them is to blame for their anger, their violence—stupid sluts get what they deserve. Most of all, there is an overpowering sense of rage and entitlement: the conviction that men have been denied a birthright of easy power.
Capitalism commodifies that rage, monetizes it, disseminates it through handbooks and forums and crass mainstream pornography. It does not occur to these men that women might have experienced these very human things, too, because it does not occur to them that women are human, not really. Women are prizes to be caught and used or hags to be harassed or, occasionally, both.
Violent extremism always attracts the lost, the broken, young men full of rage at the hand they’ve been dealt. Violent extremism entices those who long to lash out at a system they believe has cheated them, but lack they courage to think for themselves, beyond the easy answers they are offered by peddlers of hate. Misogynist extremism is no different. For some time now misogynist extremism has been excused, as all acts of terrorism committed by white men are excused, as an aberration, as the work of random loons, not real men at all. The pattern is repeatedly denied: these are the words and actions of the disturbed."

Misogynistic extremism, and the hate crime that has resulted, are no different than the hate crimes of the KKK and other supremacist groups, or the killing of Matthew Shepherd in Laramie.
 I'm noticing a trend here.
These things happen as sweeping cultural advances are happening; advances that are crumbling, little by little, the white, male patriarchy in America. We may very well elect a woman president in a couple of years. We have already elected a black man to the Presidency. Marriage equality is rapidly becoming the law of the land. These are the last gasps of a dying patriarchy that has long held a stranglehold on the rest of us.  Much like a toddler screams the loudest right before he falls asleep.

(Sidenote: I love the people who say "Why can't we go back to the 1950's, when everything was easier, and more wholesome. The good old days."  Please. The 50's in America were awesome if you were a straight, white male. They pretty much sucked for everyone else. )

Here's the thing: the culture change needn't be scary. The pendulum must swing. The Universe demands balance. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The all-male God has ruled and now the Goddess demands her due. A culture of community, nurture, an abhorrence for war, a value of all people without one dominating the other, these are divine feminine principles.
It's about time.

The strongest of men welcome the strength of their women. I know, I raised one.
Men needn't owe their masculinity to driving down another human. 
My son knows this. All "real men" know this.

Boys, however, have cooties. 

Get Real.

OR

How Being Less Than 100% Authentic Can Kill Your Mojo

 

I'm a pretty authentic chick, for the most part.
That said, when I love somebody I morph into a somewhat "permeable membrane", to quote Elizabeth Gilbert.  I so want to give my beloved - be it friend, children, or lover -  everything that would make them happy that I frequently land myself in the poorhouse, emotionally and literally.
I don't like to think of myself as a people pleaser and I'm not exactly being inauthentic....it's just that I leave out the ugly bits sometimes. I've historically let it go when my needs or boundaries aren't honored.  It's not worth fighting about.


Except that it is.
Worth fighting for, that is.
Now, I am fortunate that I have some real and true friends who will call me on this behavior when they catch it. Thank god for that. When my core group tells me "Your light is going out." "You've lost your mojo." and the fatal "I didn't want to say anything but..." I know it's time to act.
To dig deep and get real.
So I dig. I excavate and dust off all the stuff that I've buried down in the dirt and the muck in order to keep everyone's life pretty.



Do you know what happens then?
Honesty. I vomit hardcore, brutal honesty like I spent the last night on a Jack Daniels bender. It's not pretty. It frequently stinks. It can be really, quite awful. But it purges me. It cleanses me of the fakery and forces me to be 100 percent authentic. Afterward I feel lightened, relieved... the way throwing up is a relief after hours and hours of sweaty nausea. And then everyone says "Thank God, you're back".

There has to be a better way.

 So I'm trying the following three things.

 

1. Tell the unvarnished truth. - Even when it's hard and scary. Even when it hurts like hell.

2. Insist on boundaries being respected. -  By everyone. All the time. No exceptions.

3. Do not engage in toxic conversations. - Nope. Not at all.  Kindly say "I'm not doing this with you" and walk away.

I figure taking these three steps along with my daily meditation and spiritual practice will keep me from allowing myself to violate my Self.

What is your check and balance for keeping yourself on track and 100% authentic?
Feel free to comment below.

Namaste.

Limitless (poetic reboot)

The challenge was to pen a poem with the first words "I am..."
Here's mine.
Please feel free to add yours in the comments below!


Limitless

I am
a mighty creator, a music maker,
an illusory truth teller.
I am too pretty to feel this mean
and too abundant to lack the cash, the flow I desire.
I can make you feel things
and I choose to make you feel
as if you can fly without wings.
I choose to inspire you,
to require you to think
about where you are and whence you shall fly.
My purpose is divine,
to shine a light
on your gorgeousness, your delicious uniqueness,
your fearless quest to be...

divinity.

I am a bringer of words to light,
a singer of songs so bright
that to stand in their tide
is to let love wash over you
like a dream of waterfalls and sun rays.
I tell truths you try to hide.
Why?
Because your dreams frighten the lesser part of you,
the part that has tricked you
into thinking that this is all that you are?
I am a trumpet call
announcing your greatness,
renouncing the lies that kept you
fearful and tired.

I am the drum, the different drum
to which you can march
in order to get to the top
of your own pinnacle, miracle,
dream of dreams.

I am
a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sinner, a sage,
a maiden, a crone,
a limitless creature of pure radiance;
here to tell you that you, also,
are this.
Limitless.