This is a question I get from people all the time. I also ask myself this question pretty consistently.
I sometimes feel like a serial re-starter and that makes me ask myself, "What does this say about me?"
Apparently, I'm not alone.
This blog, and the response I get to it from you guys, is evidence that I'm not alone.
There are books on the New York Times Best Seller list that tell me I'm not alone.
The questions that I've heard most often, about do-overs, are usually some version of the following:
"I've had two true loves in my life. That's more than most people get. Do you think I've had my shot? Do you think there is a quota on true love, and I've hit mine?"
"I really hate my job, but this is the third career change I've attempted. If I make a move everyone will think I'm a slacker or that I lack commitment. Should I just suck it up and stick it out?"
"I feel like I'm not making any progress, as if life is passing me by. Again. Why do I keep getting stuck?"
Herein is my considered opinion on this topic.
Bear in mind, it is my opinion. I am not a doctor (although I will play one on TV if asked).
Love: How many "love do-overs" do you get? I feel pretty strongly on this topic. As many as it takes. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that teaches there is only one "soul mate" per person and if you miss that person, well, you're just out of luck. I, personally, have many soul mates and only one of them is my lover. I have had three "Prince Charmings" in my life and I will not negate two of those loves because they are not the current one. I will love all three of those men on some level until the day I die. I think the lesson I've gotten from falling on my face (more than a few times) in the love department is this: Love is a verb. It is what you do. It is not a feeling. The feelings are, passion, infatuation, amity, congruence, friendship, affection, but love is a verb. Love is holding someones hair while they throw up. Love is letting someone cry snot balls into your favorite shirt while you hold them. Love is not saying the hateful thing you're thinking just because you're irritated right now. Love is acting loving even when you're not feeling the loving feelings. Love is getting up in the middle of the night and doing what needs to be done for the sick kid or the sick partner. Love is being as committed to the other person's growth as you are to your own, even if that means setting them free. Love is walking away with grace and goodwill when you can do no more good or your love is no longer wanted. I'll say it a third time: Love is a verb. It has no limits. It is not a finite quantity. It is the Universe in action. It's only parameters are the ones we make up. Career: This is a tough one. I believe each of us has a purpose, a calling. We are all here for a purpose and when we find that purpose we know. It's the thing that doesn't feel like work. It's the thing we do that we start at 7 am, realize at some point that we're hungry, look up, and realize it's 7 pm. I know one part of my calling is to be a teacher. I've taken a teaching role in many of my friendships, relationships and most of my career choices, quite organically. To this day, when I want to learn something, I process it or break it down as if I were teaching it to someone else.
That said, we have to factor in circumstances. We have bills to pay, children to raise, retirements to secure. So it's necessary for most of us to have a job while we search for and figure out how to monetize our purpose. Non-calling related jobs can teach us valuable tools to that purpose, specifically: business skills, people skills, organization, time management, and discipline. Let's face it, your boss doesn't want to hear that you "aren't feeling it today" and that same discipline should apply when YOU are your boss. So if you hate your job, you have two choices. Change what you are doing OR change how you think about what you are doing. When you start looking at aspects of your "day gig" as teaching tools to push you forward and teach you skills that will manifest your "dream gig" then it becomes a stepping stone to success rather than a brick wall. Perspective is reality, people. Progress: The fact that one is asking the question, "Why am I not progressing?" is a great sign. Do you know how many people live a life of "getting by" and are sure there is nothing more? Many. Too Many. I think it is important to know that you are here for a purpose. I think it is imperative to seek that purpose, however long it takes for you to find it.
It is my opinion that the number one reason people get stuck is fear. Plain, old fear. We are conditioned to conform. We dread others saying the following about us: "You can't do that, are you crazy?" "There's no money in that, you'll starve." "Well if you do that, I'm done with you." "I'd like to support you, but I don't think you should live your life that way." "You're not good enough to make a living that way!" or my personal favorite, "Just who do you think you are?"Those statements will facilitate stuck-ded-ness for sure, but I think the fear of those statements is far more insidious. Those statements take root because at some level we believe them to be true. Therefore conquering that fear is an inside job. It requires telling yourself daily, in many different ways, that you ARE good enough. To feel the fear and act anyway is to kick the fear to the curb.One must take those statements (and they will come your way if you are doing something even a little out of the ordinary) and turn them into fuel for your engine. This alone is a sign of progress, so celebrate it! People who are not following their bliss are generally resentful of those who are. Why not make it your mission to inspire them otherwise?
I am inspired by Bishop TD Jakes in a lot of ways, but particularly his talk on "Living on Purpose". Don't be put off, if you're not one to listen to preachers. This man has a message for everyone. Check it out:
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