Let's Talk About Fear, Bay-bee.

Oh, Fear...
That old friend that has kept us alive since way back when the primeval versions of ourselves were running around, fending off mastodons. 

That old enemy that keeps us from doing the things that call to our deepest soul.

Fear is the ultimate "frenemy".

Let's be fair.
Fear isn't all bad. (see: mastodons, fending off of - )
It's programmed into our DNA to keep us from hurtling off cliffs or letting our daughters date drummers. A healthy measure of fear is part of our survival mechanism. When fear becomes problematic is when it paralyzes us from doing things we long to do, or things know we ought to do. Let's take a look at some of the most common forms fear takes in everyday life and what we can do to put it in it's place.

The psychological condition of fear is, in most cases in modern life, divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger (i.e. mastodons). It's more often fear of something that may never happen that stops us in our tracks. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, nervousness, anxiety, panic, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in some imagined future. This creates an anxiety gap. And if you have identified with this imagined outcome, that anxiety gap will be your constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with a future that does not exist yet. We humans are the only creatures on earth who do this. The human ego is very vulnerable and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the person is outwardly very confident. Now remember that an emotion is the body's reaction to your thoughts. This is important: Fear, like all emotions, is physical. It exists in the  body. What message is the body receiving continuously from the ego? Danger, I am under threat. And what is the emotion generated by this continuous message? Fear, of course.

So how does it manifest? Like this:

Staying in Situations That No Longer Serve Our Well-Being 
How often in our lives do we stay in a job that sucks the life out of us or a relationship that sucks the soul out of us? We've all done it, but why? Because the alternative that we've dreamed up is far worse, in our fearful minds, than the situation that is currently draining our life dry.
We couldn't possibly stand up and calmly leave the toxic relationship. That would make us a bad person. Our fear projects a future where we are alone, eating frozen lean cuisines for one and are utterly unlovable because we're such a loser.
We couldn't possibly leave our soul-sucker of a job. That would make us a quitter and irresponsible. Our fear projects a future where we are homeless, destitute and no doubt smelly and utterly unlovable because we're such a loser.

Let me ask you this?
Have you ever been fired from a job?
Have you ever been dumped?
Ever had those two things happen at the same time?
It seems like the end of the world.
But caving in to your fear wasn't an option. Your worst fear has come upon you and you can cope, you can recover, you can even thrive - because you must. It is here now and we CAN cope with real situations in the present moment. The Universe has just removed you from the situation you were too fearful to leave on your own. You're welcome.
 Cut to six months later: You're in a better job or have started your own business, you are more fulfilled and more abundant than you ever thought you could be.  The right people have arrived into your life right on time and you can't believe you were ever afraid. That catastrophe was the best thing that could have happened to you.

People-Pleasing 

I think everyone has had a time in their life when they've run around to all and sundry, pleading "Validate me! Please!"  We are social creatures by nature and the abject terror of our internal Judge Judy, of being judged and found wanting is the most universal fear there is. We don't want others to dislike us, to disapprove of us, to think less of us or to think we are a "bad person". So we scramble around trying to fulfill every one's needs but our own, which creates an expectation from others of our constant availability, which we then try to fill and have no idea how to stop the spiral for fear of being judged. The result? Burn out, depression and a lingering resentment for being taken for granted. The irony of this situation is that very few people respect a people-pleaser. Folks may appreciate what they do, but respect? Hardly.  It's hard to respect someone who has no boundaries. No boundaries denotes a lack of self-respect. And in case your mama didn't tell you - NO ONE will respect you if you don't respect yourself. You teach people how to treat you.

Paralysis
This is by far the most common manifestation of fear. Doing absolutely nothing. If I don't move, I can't make a wrong move, can I? That's safe. Right?
Wrong.
Here's a little truth cookie for you to munch on: If you are not consciously expanding your comfort zone, it contracts all by itself. This is undoubtedly the quickest route to hiding in your room, isolating yourself and greatly increases the chances of dying there, all alone and being eaten by your cats. All of creation is in motion. Standing still is not an option. Eventually you will have to do something.


So what's the antidote to fear?

Courage

 

If we learned nothing else from the Cowardly Lion's story in "The Wizard of Oz", we learned that courage is not the absence of fear. It is being absolutely terrified and doing what needs to be done anyway. It is facing the Wicked Witch, going through the Dark Forest even though "I do believe in spooks, I do, I do I do!" It is fainting in the face of the great and powerful Oz, and getting back up to receive our medal.
When we face our fears, we must remember: The flying monkeys have taken Dorothy. We're the only ones who can save her (and her little dog too!). The hourglass is on the table and now is the only time we have. What to do?



These 3 Things:

1. Take massive action. - As mentioned earlier, Fear, like all emotions, is physical. It exists in the  body. In order to move past fear, it is necessary to break the pattern of habitual thinking and acting that put us in fear to begin with. Do something, anything, to literally or symbolically take on fear in general.  Go ziplining, talk to a stranger, seek a support group, make it your business to educate yourself, learn to fire walk, dress up like a guard and sneak into the witch's castle, ANYTHING. Just take action. You needn't do it perfectly. Just do it.
2. Build on Successes - Every time you face something that scares you and don't die or anything, you've triumphed over fear. Keep the momentum going by taking another step and then another. If you fall, get back up. It's just a hiccup on your path and it will pass. Remember that what you put your attention upon is what expands in your life, so if you are consistently focusing on your successes, more successes will surely show up. Work on your weaknesses, by all means, but build upon your successes. Your gifts are unique and who will treasure them if you do not?
3. Embrace Fear as Energy - Think about it. Adrenaline is powerful stuff. The more intense your fear, the more energy it produces. You are a thinking being, you can choose what meaning to give that energy. Suppose you take that intense feeling and decide it will no longer be fear, it will be the power to produce change. What would happen then? It's your energy. You get to decide what it means. If your fear is screaming "I can't!", you can decide that this means "I MUST!".

You - 1
Fear - 0

You Win.