Procrastination - Why Do We Do It? And How Do We STOP!?

 

And haven't we all been Scarlet O'Hara at some point or another?

"I'll write that paper tomorrow." 

"I have three whole days before that report is due." 

"I'll just watch one episode of Orange is the New Black." 

"OK , OK right after I watch all my friends' Snapchat stories." 

"I'll just check my Facebook for a minute."

"After all, tomorrow is another day..."

The situation becomes dire when we put on the hoop skirt and take up residence at Tara permanently.

As a serial procrastinator, I embarked upon a journey to discover what makes people (me) procrastinate and how to kick the "I'll get to it later" demon to the proverbial curb.

Here's what I discovered at the shallow end of the pool:
According to Tuckman, Abry, and Smith, there are key reasons why people procrastinate:

1. Not knowing what needs to be done
2. Not knowing how to do something
3. Not caring if it gets done or not
4. Not caring when something gets done
5. Not feeling in the mood to do it
6. Being in the habit of waiting until the last minute
7. Believing that you work better under pressure
8. Thinking that you can finish it at the last minute
9. Lacking the initiative to get started
10. Blaming sickness or poor health
11. Waiting for the right moment
12. Needing time to think about the task
13. Delaying one task in favor of working on another   

Those are all plausible, if superficial reasons for procrastination, the symptoms, if you will.
I was after the causes, the root beliefs that would make someone engage in a behavior that is nothing but destructive. I found a zillion explanations. Once I'd weeded out the BS excuses, and the over simplified, overly judgemental answers, here are the top three causes of chronic procrastination, in my opinion:

1.  Family -Procrastinators are made not born. Procrastination is learned in the family milieu, but not directly. It is one response to an authoritarian parenting style. Having a harsh, controlling parent keeps children from developing the ability to regulate themselves, from internalizing their own intentions and then learning to act on them. Procrastination can even be a form of rebellion, one of the few forms available under such circumstances. What's more, under those household conditions, procrastinators turn more to friends than to parents for support, and their friends may reinforce procrastination because they tend to be tolerant of their excuses.
2.  Fear - This tends to fall into two categories.
   • The avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.
   •  The decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events 
3. Medical/Clinical diagnosis - Some very real conditions are co-indicated with chronic procrastination, ADHD, OCD, anxiety and clinical depression included. In addition to medical treatment for these conditions, more and better time management tools and repetition are absolutely crucial to overcoming procrastination based on chemical imbalance.

 BONUS:

 

 The apostrophe...um, I mean EPIPHANY is this:
Very often when we are procrastinating, our subconscious is telling us that we are engaged in a task, a job, a relationship, that we actually DO NOT WANT. On any level. We tell ourselves lies like, "Oh well, everyone has to do things they don't want to do.", while our soul screams out for us to change.

Chronic procrastination is a result of being in one of two states: Fear or rebellion. (whether conscious or unconscious). We are either afraid, be it of success or failure, or we are in rebellion against something our subconscious is rejecting. People who are engaging in this behavior are not lazy, crazy, stupid or uncaring.

So How Do We STOP?

First - beating yourself up is not useful. That can bring on fear paralysis which only exacerbates the problem. Not to mention, other people are probably already beating  you up enough. "You're so smart, if only you applied  yourself!" 
(Every kid who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD recognizes that old chestnut.)

Some suggestions for breaking the habit:

• Recognize that change is a process and understanding your own MO is crucial. Why are you uncomfortable about digging into a project or changing your behavior? Write down the reasons.
• You know yourself. What diversions or Scarlet O'Hara behaviors do you usually adopt?
• Then question those. If you say "later is better," ask yourself why. And why do you need to be better to do this? Save the better state for a better task. You need to recognize the BS story you tell yourself!
• When you feel actual physical resistance, when every bone in your body is resisting the task, force yourself to put one foot in front of the other. This is similar to overcoming irrational fears.
• Break up the task into chunks. Do one a day. If it's your taxes, call the accountant one day. Then find all the income statements the next. Then divide the receipts into categories the next. And so on. I always feel I can do anything for five minutes. So maybe set a timer. Once you start, you'll find that you go over five minutes and may finish the job.
• Gain support and accountability.  Set up a buddy system. This increases your chances of doing the task. Just be sure to choose someone supportive and positive for your accountability buddy.
• If you feel the physical sensations of resistance- make it a "must do now" priority.
• Set a reward for yourself once the job is done.

If every bone in your body is still screaming NO? 
Ask yourself if, in the end, this is something you need to do.
Sometimes you need to delegate.

 

Limitless (poetic reboot)

The challenge was to pen a poem with the first words "I am..."
Here's mine.
Please feel free to add yours in the comments below!


Limitless

I am
a mighty creator, a music maker,
an illusory truth teller.
I am too pretty to feel this mean
and too abundant to lack the cash, the flow I desire.
I can make you feel things
and I choose to make you feel
as if you can fly without wings.
I choose to inspire you,
to require you to think
about where you are and whence you shall fly.
My purpose is divine,
to shine a light
on your gorgeousness, your delicious uniqueness,
your fearless quest to be...

divinity.

I am a bringer of words to light,
a singer of songs so bright
that to stand in their tide
is to let love wash over you
like a dream of waterfalls and sun rays.
I tell truths you try to hide.
Why?
Because your dreams frighten the lesser part of you,
the part that has tricked you
into thinking that this is all that you are?
I am a trumpet call
announcing your greatness,
renouncing the lies that kept you
fearful and tired.

I am the drum, the different drum
to which you can march
in order to get to the top
of your own pinnacle, miracle,
dream of dreams.

I am
a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sinner, a sage,
a maiden, a crone,
a limitless creature of pure radiance;
here to tell you that you, also,
are this.
Limitless.

Finding Beauty in the Mundane

Hello Darlings!
So I've been a bit blocked and doing some excavation. In digging through my past writings, I found a series of exercises I did during one particularly brutal bout of writer's block.
One exercise in particular caught my attention. 
I thought it rather good, if I may say so. 

Even though it is years old, it speaks to my current belief that part of my mission in life is to inspire people to be better. Not to do more, to be better. Not to have more, but to be better. Inside. I firmly believe the road to that goal is paved in moments. Everyday, mundane, ain't-no-big-thing moments. 

So I'm sharing one with you that I think is pretty relatable. 

Prompt: Write 400-500 words about a less than remarkable aspect of your life.

  Laundry.

 

It’s heavy. The basket, I mean. I look down the murky stairwell of my ivory tower and sigh at the thought of descending, step by burdened step, out into the irksome damp. I wish for the grace of those straight backed African women who can fluidly tip a basket to the top of their head and stride boldly with swinging arms. I am not so graceful. So, I schlump down the steps, listing like a drunken sailor, and fall out the front door. Juggling basket, soap and big hips, I cross the street. Moving as if shackled, I trudge up the ramp into the Laundromat and collapse in a heap of weariness and my son’s BVD’s.

Breathe. Just get it done.

Fetch a big, wheely basket and transfer the tangled mess of jeans and hoodies/ Load the machines: light, dark, colors, three in a row. Add soap and quarters, and breathe. 

In the bottom of the basket is a book. Excellent. Sit on beach blue molded plastic and transport to somewhere else. Outstanding.

The damned buzzer rings. Stupid, shrill call back to here. Drag up and back to the wheely basket to dredge the soggy lump down and skate over to the cavernous dryer. Brush off the sudden urge to climb in there in the hopes that it’s actually a teleportation device, cleverly disguised. Load damp clothes in, insert quarters, go! Breathe.

Back to the awkward chair and the book. Gone. No smell of bleach remains. No rumble of machinery, no coughing old man can penetrate the force field of gorgeous prose that enters through my eyes and insulates me utterly. Longer, this time, the respite before the cranking whine of the slowing dryer calls me back. Look lingeringly at the page and, sighing, arise to unwanted duty.

Open the door. Roll away the stone. Suddenly I’m fogged over in the enveloping scent of clean and warm. Breathe in. It’s good. Move the suddenly unburdensome burden to the chest high table and begin to make order of the chaos.  Jumbled pile of color becomes pristine stripes of folded precision. This isn’t so bad. Suddenly, there are only skyscrapers of warm, perfect clothes.

Carefully place each square in the basket. Breathe. Lift the weighty, clean smelling basket onto one big hip and stride back across the street, soap swinging from the free arm. Smile.

Perhaps grace in motion is a state of mind after all. Ascend lightly the stairs from dark into light and place careful rectangles at the foot of each bed. Wonderful emptiness in the basket, except for the battered book. 

Excellent. 

Breathe. 

"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." ~Zen Proverb

Namaste, 

Shanna

Get Aligned With Your Best Life

I used to work in corporate training and sales management. It was a good gig. It helped me raise my family. It allowed me to hold the fort while my children were growing up and needed the stability of little things like a paycheck and health insurance. It taught me that one of my callings, if not my biggest calling in life, is to inspire others. It brought me into daily fellowship with some extraordinary people. So why am I no longer doing that?
One word: alignment. 

As much as I loved those with whom I worked and aspects of my various corporate jobs; there was always a vague restlessness, a feeling that I was waiting, impatient for my real work to begin. I was hopelessly out of alignment.

You see, I am not someone who will ever feel aligned in a cubicle. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am a creative person. Now that I need be a fort-holder no longer, I align myself with my purpose and passion. I use the tools my corporate life gave me to be a better writer, a better artist and a more complete me. I am aligned.
Well, most of the time, anyway.

Do not make the mistake of underestimating alignment and its importance in our lives. How many of us even bother to consider the state of our physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual alignment? We know when our cars are out of alignment, we start drifting off the road, and have to constantly, manually readjust to “stay in our lane”. Sometimes, we grip the steering wheel tightly, white-knuckled; thinking that it may help us stay “aligned”. In fact, what we really need to do is to check the tire pressure and wear, and get ourselves into the shop for an all-wheel alignment. Then, when we return to our journey, we won’t have to constantly course correct, and we can relax our grip on the steering wheel of life a little…

So in my favored format of “three things”, I give you:

3 Ways to Get into Alignment.

 

1. Meditate. – Are you tired of hearing me say this, my darlings? Too bad. I will keep saying it  because it’s true. Don’t take my word for it. There exists study after study showing the efficacy of meditation not only for aligning your mind, body and spirit but also for stress management, battling depression, increased immunity, increased fertility, relief of inflammation, lowered blood pressure, and emotional balance. The University of Pennsylvania study showed that these benefits increase exponentially with daily practice and can even significantly reduce the severity of congestive heart failure. Allow yourself to get still so you can hear the small voice of spirit tell you what it wants. Just do it. It’s good for you.  
 

2. Visualize. – See your ideal life as if it already exists. This is not a new technique but how many of us actually do it? Decorate your dream home. Drive your Maserati. See your name on the New York Times Bestseller list or the Billboard Top 100. It needn’t take scads of time. Five to ten minutes daily should do it, once you’re somewhat practiced at it. Make it real. See it, smell it, taste it as if it is here now. (Hint: it is.) Most importantly, feel the emotions you know you will feel when your life is aligned and on purpose. Your emotions are powerful tools for manifestation, Use them.

3. Know and Walk Your Truth – This is your truth, not your parents’ expectations, not your friends’ idea of what is “normal”, not what you’ve been told you should be or do or want. Dig deep. Find what makes you come alive, even if you will meet with disapproval and even if it scares the bejesus out of you, especially, if it scares the bejesus out of you. Know for sure that what you want, wants you. Because it does.  It always has. (Matthew 7:7-8) Just get out of your own way and allow it to show up.

When you practice these three steps every day, with some degree of consistency, your actions cannot help but follow suit. You cannot help but begin to manifest in ways large and small the life you desire and the life you were put on this Earth to live. And when you are moving through the world in alignment with your highest purpose, the Universe conspires on your behalf and miraculous things occur. Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself.

Be well.