Of Birthdays, Flying Without a Net and the Audacity of Hope

 

Hey Kids!

Dig, if you will, this picture:

Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday.

 Holy Crap!


So.... Here are some thoughts on that fun fact:



What a long, strange trip it's been...

I've managed to do some pretty cool stuff in 52 years. I carried and raised some gorgeous, gifted, smart, hilariously funny, and really, really, ridiculously good looking humans. They're happy and successful people in their own right who are now raising their own families in their own creative and spectacular fashion. So there's that.

I've gained and lost fortunes, been fat, been thin, been fit and strong. Won some battles. Learned some excruciatingly hard lessons. Traveled to some amazing and beautiful places on this big blue marble called Earth. Grieved the loss of loved ones. Celebrated the triumphs of others. Fallen in and out of love, or at least infatuation a few times...Fallen on my behind a thousand times and gotten back up when everything in me said "Don't. You can't. It's too hard. Just lie here. You're exhausted. You're alone. You're too scared. Stay down." That voice is a dream slayer. 
And I can't seem to stop dreaming.
So I keep getting up.
Call it an exercise in the audacity of hope.

Adventure in the great wide somewhere...

So here I sit on the edge of 52 looking over into the next phase of my life.
Wondering why I didn't write this sort of thing at 50? That's the big one, right?
Here's why: When I was nineteen, my mother was 52. 
She was 52 when she went into Bryn Mawr Hospital for treatment of cardiomyopathy, atrial fibrillation and blood clots, developed pneumonia/congestive heart failure and never came out. 
At 52, she transitioned, crossed over, went home, whatever you want to call it.  I watched her die looking into my father's eyes - and life as I knew it changed forever.

So what does that have to do with me at 52? I'm fit, strong, in ridiculously good health, routinely mistaken for ten years younger than I am. How is this relevant? 

See, there's no roadmap from here. I'm winging it. Although, truth be told, I've been flying without a safety net pretty much since that day in October, when I was nineteen and everything changed.  
There's a part of me that's angry with her. 
I know- It's not cool to be mad at the dead, to speak ill of the dead. But the fact remains that there'a a part of me that is flat out angry at her. Because she knew she had a congenital heart disease. She knew. And she smoked. She didn't eat well. She didn't do even the minimal exercise she was allowed, which would have strengthened her and kept her with us. 
 So she checked out at 52, when I was nineteen and I still needed her. 
I still needed her. 


When I was younger I did the same. I smoked, despite watching practically everyone in my family drop dead from heart disease. I ate like crap and comforted myself with food. I didn't take care of me. I was stupid. I was scared and depressed. My kids saved my life a hundred times over just by their very existence. I gained and lost a ton of weight. It wasn't until I was 45 and my granddaughter, Marley looked up at me with her gorgeous eyes that I made a firm decision that I was not checking out. My kids may have missed the grandmother experience, but my grandbabies would not.  I did my first 5k obstacle run at 46.

That's why I'm committed to fitness and helping others achieve their weight loss and fitness goals. That's why I bore you with endless workout and inspiration posts on all of my social media. 
Because it's too important to *not* check out on people who need you. You may not even realize how much they need you. You never know who your smile or kind word is affecting. The lady you chatted up in Costco may have been despairing until you told her how lovely she looked today. The girl at the CVS with the three screaming kids may have felt totally alone until you said, "Boy, do I remember those days- It gets better, I promise." 



So what's next? 
Who knows. 
There's no road-map from here.
Let's wing it. 
Have Adventures. 
Fly without a net.
Love people.
Be present.
You and I are the Ambassadors of the Audacity of Hope.

Repost: 3 Radical Steps to Managing Radical Change

Repost- I first wrote this three years ago -
I thought it needed a revisit.


So, you've had a radical change in your life.
You lost your job.
Your relationship ended.
You've relocated and have no new support system.
(Insert your big change here)
 And you feel ...unwell... scared... lost....just wrecked.
Now what?

As easy as it would be to make a permanent date with Ben and Jerry and hole yourself up literally and figuratively from all of humanity forever... I think we both know that isn't a viable option, long term. So enjoy your Chunky Monkey, mourn what it is that you have lost, and when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired...Get Radical!

 

 

 

3 Radical Steps to Managing Radical Change

 

1. Radical Self Care

You have to start with the basics. You've been dealt a big blow by life and you are allowed to care for yourself.  More than that, it is imperative that you care for yourself. You are in the process of refilling the well and it happens on no one's timetable but yours.

The very first thing that can help is to set healthy boundaries. Because you lost your job does NOT mean that you are now available to babysit everyone's children, walk their dogs, house sit or clean their closets. Because you are now single does not mean that you are to be set up with everyone's cousin/brother/best friend. Because you are going through a change does not mean you have to listen to, or take on others' opinions or judgements of you and your situation.  "No" is not a four letter word. Keep close those unconditional supporters in your life and let everyone else know you are in a rebuilding phase.

Radical care of the body is key. As much as we are all lovers of Ben and Jerry, sooner or later one must break up with them and start to feed yourself. Well. You are fueling the vehicle you use to move through life, and there is no trade-in option. Get a tune up with your doctor. Exercise for health AND sanity. Multiple studies have shown regular exercise to be as good or better than antidepressants in relieving mild to moderate depression. Take care of you in the most basic way first.

Radical emotional care means you have to change your self-talk. If you are not nice to you, who will be? This does not mean caving in and affirming every little emotion that comes along. Remember, your habitual self talk probably isn't very kind to you right now. Specifically, "I've failed. I'm not good enough. I'll never find love. I'm never going to make new friends.Things like this always happen to me." and the like. Catch yourself in this self talk and ask yourself - "Is this really true?" Then flip the script. You haven't failed unless you've stopped trying for anything. You gained valuable lessons from this experience. If nothing else, you know what doesn't work. You won't find love or new friends? Honey, there are seven billion people here on Planet Earth. Surely some of them will have an affinity for you and vice versa. Perhaps widening your scope would be a good idea. Things like this always happen to you? Do you lose a job every single day? Do you leave a relationship every day? Are you relocating daily? Hardly. So these things don't always happen to you, do they? Start talking to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. "Beloved, this is just a set back, a minor glitch in the grand scheme of your life. Your loss was only to make way for something bigger, better and more fulfilling that the Universe has in store for you! Get excited!" (At least, that's what I would say to my best friend.) Give yourself a break.

 

2. Radical Action

Once you have replenished your resources a bit, it's time for radical action. You will know when that time comes by a relentless restlessness, by ideas waking you up in the middle of the night, by a need for movement.

Radical action is different for each of us. For some it is going out there and getting another, better job. For others it is signing up for a dating sight. For me it was restructuring my life so as not to work 9-5, to pursue my art while finding ways to make ends meet using my art. For some it's leaving absolutely everything behind and starting from scratch. It really doesn't matter what the radical action is, as long as it breaks the habitual pattern. Remember the old saying "If all you ever do is what you've always done; all you'll ever get is what you've always gotten." Get fearless. Challenge yourself. Step out of the comfort zone. Recognize that what looks like happiness to you may not match what's considered "normal" by your friends and family. Get OK with being perceived as different or eccentric or even the 'bad guy'. This is your journey. At the end of the day the only perception you have to live with is yours. Be aware that 'security' is an illusion. Any one of us, in a moment, could lose everything or face a life-changing event that was completely unforeseeable. Embrace uncertainty, make it a friend, and then you can begin to manage your reactions to the unforeseeable in a positive way.

 

3. Radical Surrender

There's that word again. Surrender. This doesn't mean giving up. It means freeing yourself from worrying about things you never had control over in the first place. It means forgiving people, not because what they did was OK, only that you'd rather not carry the burden of resentment anymore for something that's already in the past. It means detaching from outcomes and just giving yourself over to the work, the relationship, the journey and having faith that where you end up will be precisely where you were supposed to end up. Relinquish the desire to make others respond or behave the way you think they should. They are on their own journey, with their own lessons to learn. It is not your business to dictate their steps. As I've said for many years, "You can't tell grown people what to do." Your only decision is whether to walk with them or not. If not, send them love and light and let your paths diverge.

Just let go. You don't have to drive everyone's bus.
Finally, get grateful. Gratitude and depression cannot occupy the same space. When you start looking around for things to be grateful for in life, guess what happens? More things for which to be grateful start to show up. And it grows exponentially. You don't have to believe me, try it for 30 days, it will prove itself to you.

Before you know it, you will find yourself in a brand new place, perhaps one you never expected to see. And you will be able to say, as my friend Judie said today, "No matter what the future holds, I will greet it with open arms and be the best person I can be." 

Thanks Judie, for inspiring today's post. You are my Ambassador of Rad.

Fabulous and Fit is a Lifestyle!

Some of you may already know that I've become a coach over at Team BeachBody! 
I decided to do this because there is an underserved market of people who want an intense work out, with intense results but may not want to go to a gym. I personally love to lift, but prefer to sweat in private when it's at all possible. So if you want to get fit together, and want it personalized for YOU; you should probably get in touch. I'd love to help.
Just click HERE to contact me about coaching.

We're all grown ups here and let's be honest. Most of us work out because the alternative is sagging, bagging, bloating and feeling like crap. 
Nobody likes that. 
Gravity is the enemy.

That said, once fitness becomes a part of your life you discover that endorphins are as addictive as any other 'feel good' substance. Yes, including Oreos and wine.
On the days you don't work out you feel sluggish, restless and just "off". 

So how do you get to this state of endorphin bliss if the thought of going to the gym every day makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out?
That's easy.
Don't go to the gym.
I can hear the cries of "Blasphemer!" coming from my fitness addicted friends already.

 
The reality is, all you need to be fit is a good pair of shoes and a real desire to be fit. There's no magic at a gym, other than the fact that things are a bit more convenient there. I mean all that equipment in one place and all. 

 But I see really fit people doing things like flipping truck tires, running marathons and scaling cliff sides with nary a gym in sight. They do however, all have really good shoes.

Once you have the shoes, then really all it takes, as author Tony Robbins says, is the three S's 

 The right Strategy, Story and State.

Strategy - Well really, this is the easiest of the three. You don't need me to outline a strategy for you, there is certainly no shortage. You can easily open any magazine, turn on your TV, or go to one of the zillion websites devoted to getting you fit. (But since I love ya and for your convenience, I will link a few below) If you hate the idea of a gym, there are martial arts and kick boxing classes that meet outside, there are hiking clubs, you can get a bicycle, do yoga in your living room, dance in your kitchen, run around the block or walk the mall (where it's always 70 degrees and the people are nice!).  Beach Body offers a plethora of programs to suit any style and fitness level right in your own home. You just press play. Quite frankly, all you need is to do something, anything, that makes you breathe hard and sweat for one hour a day. (Yes, sex counts too!) The most basic activity is also one of the most effective: Just walk as if you are late, for an hour a day. You can do that anywhere. Strategy? Check.

Story- Ah, this is where it gets a little trickier. Because we all have a story. The most common are "I don't have enough" stories. I don't have enough time, money, energy, I'm not healthy enough to exercise, whatever. The kicker is, those may be absolutely true facts. But the facts are less important that the story you tell yourself about those facts.
Story:"I've tried everything". Really? Everything? Is that really a true statement? When I question people on what they've tried what I usually find out is they've tried the same three things, that don't work, over and over. That is not trying everything. That's being stuck in your story. A new story you could tell yourself would be "I'm going to try one new thing a week until I find something that works for me."
Story: "I don't have time." We all have the same twenty four hours in a day. That's a fact. The new story you could tell yourself is "I'm going to set aside one, just one, of those hours to take care of this body, since it's the only one I get."
Story:"I don't have enough money." I think we've already clarified that all you really need is a pair of shoes. Pretty cost effective. Money isn't even a story. It's an excuse.

I would like to suggest to you that you state the facts, but then tell yourself a different story about those facts.

Here are some links that will illustrate what I'm talking about:

Walking to Heal Body and Soul

I Promise to be Fit by 50

Ernestine Started Fitness at 56, now at 75 is the World's Oldest Bodybuilder

These people told themselves a different story, an empowering story. And so can you. Enough said.

State- This is the most important "S".  You can't plan a successful strategy or tell yourself an empowering story if you are in a crappy emotional state. To quote Tony Robbins: "The psychological and emotional state we are in at any moment in time tends to shape our story. We all develop emotional patterns—moods—that filter how we look at our lives. The states we go into most often then become the most powerful filter of all. This filter determines whether or not we find the strategies necessary to succeed and whether or not we come up with a story that will empower us."  So how does one change a crappy state? In this case, it may seem like we need to put the cart before the horse. Because the fact is that motion creates emotion. For example: Did you ever say to yourself, "I really don't feel like working out today, I'm tired, I'm hungry, Can't I just sit down and eat a cookie?" (disempowering story) and then you say to yourself, "Ok, maybe I'll just walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes, just  so I don't have to feel guilty about the cookie." So you put on some upbeat music and trudge your tired, hungry self over to the treadmill. Amazingly, once the 15 minutes has passed, Lo and Behold, you do another 15, then another and you end up feeling fantastic. And the story you're now telling yourself is, "I'm fabulous. I bet I could eat TWO cookies now but I won't because I don't want to undo all my hard work."  Congratulations, you've changed your state.

 
 Only after your state and story are truly aligned with your desired outcomes can you identify the strategies and make the decisions that will lead you to success. One moment is all it takes: With a new state, a new story and a new strategy, life will never be the same again.

 

 
I would add two S's to Mr. Robbins', when talking specifically about fitness:

 Shoes - We've covered this, but let me reiterate. This is the only basic tool you need, so don't get stingy. Buy the best shoes you can afford for the activities that interest you. Cross-trainers are a good all purpose choice to start out.  Your knees and ankles will thank you.
 
Supplements- Let's face it - we're Second Actors, we're not kids anymore. The supplements that I take and that I am comfortable recommending are:

• A good multivitamin- this is essential for anyone of any age. 
• Shakeology -  I know you have no time. If you're grabbing a bagel or donut and coffee on the fly (and let's be honest, who isn't?), this is a supercharged alternative. It's yummy. It's filling. It won't make you sluggish or have a sugar crash like that donut and coffee will.  Do yourself a favor. Seriously. 
• Estroven - for those of you who, like me, are experiencing that special joy that is perimenopause and don't wish to go the hormone replacement route
• SeroVital-hgh - This is a series of amino acids that cause your pituitary gland to release your own natural human growth hormone at the levels it did when you were younger. It's really worked for me and has changed my life.

Please be responsible and consult your doctor before taking ANY supplement.
 
Here are the links I promised:

Team BeachBody (P90x, Insanity, HipHop Abs, Piyo, et al)
HasFit - Free online workouts
Yoga 
CrossFit Workout of the Day (WOD) 

 Now get out there and show everyone how we Second Actors roll!

Limitless (poetic reboot)

The challenge was to pen a poem with the first words "I am..."
Here's mine.
Please feel free to add yours in the comments below!


Limitless

I am
a mighty creator, a music maker,
an illusory truth teller.
I am too pretty to feel this mean
and too abundant to lack the cash, the flow I desire.
I can make you feel things
and I choose to make you feel
as if you can fly without wings.
I choose to inspire you,
to require you to think
about where you are and whence you shall fly.
My purpose is divine,
to shine a light
on your gorgeousness, your delicious uniqueness,
your fearless quest to be...

divinity.

I am a bringer of words to light,
a singer of songs so bright
that to stand in their tide
is to let love wash over you
like a dream of waterfalls and sun rays.
I tell truths you try to hide.
Why?
Because your dreams frighten the lesser part of you,
the part that has tricked you
into thinking that this is all that you are?
I am a trumpet call
announcing your greatness,
renouncing the lies that kept you
fearful and tired.

I am the drum, the different drum
to which you can march
in order to get to the top
of your own pinnacle, miracle,
dream of dreams.

I am
a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sinner, a sage,
a maiden, a crone,
a limitless creature of pure radiance;
here to tell you that you, also,
are this.
Limitless.

Repost: Guarding Your Vision

This is a repost from October 2012 that I very much needed to revisit.
Thought perhaps some of you may need a reminder as well.
Namaste.



Vision.

Your vision.

What is it you want to manifest into the world?

Let’s brainstorm.

Be specific.

Is it your own restaurant, a book, a film, a family life, a business?

Is it traveling the world, living in a mansion, driving an Italian sports car, flying a jet?

What does it look like, feel like, smell like, sound like?

What is your vision for your best life?

Many people answer this question with “Well, my vision is just to get the bills paid on time, to get by.” Nope. Sorry, I’m going to have to call BS on that statement. That is not your vision. That is no one’s vision. That is simply the circumstances for which you and I and so many others have been conditioned to settle. There’s nothing wrong with paying the bills on time but that is only a stepping stone to your real vision. Think bigger. 

It’s ok – this is just between you and me. 

Actually this is just between you and you.

The importance of having a vision is in its power to move you. A vision will pull you forward. A vision will pull you out of depression. A vision will keep you going under the most grueling of circumstances. Don’t take my word for it. Pick up a copy of Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning”. Reading that book is life changing. If you’re more of a movie buff, go and rent the gorgeous “La Vita e Bella” (Life is Beautiful).  The message is the same. Your vision is more powerful than your external circumstances. Your vision will keep you moving and pull you forward. So go ahead. Think big. Think HUGE.  Make a vision board. Put it on your Pinterest. Scrapbook it.  Journal about it. Your vision is only for you.

Let me say that again: Your vision is for you. Here’s a really cool thing about the Universe, God, Krishna, Louise, whatever you call your Source (for our purposes we’ll say God, because it’s the easiest to type). Pay attention now:

If God gives you the vision, God will give you the provision.
 

God is not going to send your provision through your sister’s vision, or your friend’s vision, or your mom’s vision of how it can be accomplished. Your vision is for you.

This means that after all the vision-creation and praying, you have to get up off your knees, get up off your ass and begin moving in the direction of your vision. The responsibility is yours. Take a course; get a part time job in your new field. You must do the thing that scares you. Do you know what happens if you don’t step out of your comfort zone? Nothing. A whole lot of nothing.

That being said, you must also guard your vision. You don’t take a premature baby out of the womb or the incubator and show her to all and sundry. “Look! Look at this baby I’m incubating! When she’s all ready to be born, she’s going to be something!” You don’t expose your little baby-vision to all the germs and cooties and negativity that some people might rain down on her little head. She won’t survive, and then you’ll be heartbroken for the rest of your life. No, rather you guard her, protect her and only expose her to those whom you know for sure will nurture and protect your baby vision, just as you would. You get around those who will support your vision and help her grow until she is ready to be birthed into the world. Finding support is relatively easy in the information age – it’s a big internet out there, people- and if you have a vision, guaranteed someone out there has a similar one. Google it.

The flip-side of that is you must also protect your vision from what I like to call the “Crazymakers”. These are the people who will crap all over your vision, not because they don’t love you, (many of them will be your close friends and family) but because they just don’t get it, and that’s ok. Your vision is for you. It’s not for them; however your little baby vision must be protected from them at all costs. They are not in line with your vision for any number of reasons, usually traceable back to their own childhood programming and damage. Don’t be mad, it has nothing to do with you. Many Crazymakers are fearful that if you achieve your dreams they’ll be left behind; or it will point out to them how they gave up on their vision. Regardless, they come at you with their own agendas that have nothing to do with nurturing your vision. You must not expose your vision regularly to those who are not in line with its manifestation or it will die.
It. Will. Die.  Guarding it is your responsibility.

There are five types of toxic people that are absolute dream killers. I’m sure you know at least one of them. Some people are combinations of two or more of these types. If they’re in your family or circle of friends, by all means, love them, honor them, but for your own sake, don’t share your dream with them. Let them be dazzled when your dream manifests in all its glory.

The Complainer
This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn't working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you and other people. Nothing is ever his fault. He’s been cheated, mistreated, misunderstood and done wrong. And it’s everyone’s fault but his.

The Vampire
This is the needy person who constantly calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation. Four words you’ll rarely hear her utter: “So, how are YOU?”

The Shamer
This person is hazardous to your health. Run; don’t walk to the nearest exit. The shamer will cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas, almost always in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and will try to convince you that this criticism is for your own good. His favorite saying is, “Well, I’m just being honest.” The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his. His agenda is to build himself up by embarrassing you.

 The Devil’s Advocate
This is the person who discounts or takes exception to everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and gains energy by finding fault with another’s position. It is really quite exhausting to have a conversation with this contentious person, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen. Then you end up avoiding them out of plain old weariness.

The Town Crier
This person tries to create a sense of intimacy by talking with you about others, behind their backs. They want you to feel privileged to be “in the know”. The Town Crier gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest "scoop." By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he'll talk about someone else, he'll talk about you. Your inside stuff and more importantly, your vision, simply aren’t safe with this person.

Vision.

Your Vision.

What is it that you want to manifest into the world?

See it, feel it, smell it, touch it, taste it.
Most of all, protect it. 
It's your baby.

I will leave you today with an old, Italian joke:

A man goes everyday to church and kneels before the statue of St Francis of Assisi. “Francesco” he pleads, “Please, please, please, help me to win the lottery!”For weeks and weeks, he goes every day to the statue, and on his knees, begs:

“Please, please, please, help me to win the lottery!”

Finally after months of begging, St Francis comes to life, steps down off his pedestal and says to the man:
“My son, please, please, PLEASE…… buy a ticket!”

Your vision is your ticket.

Go get it.

Insane Courage, Embarrassing Bravery

The question I ponder more than any other most days is this: 

What makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives? 

Is there a single factor that shapes and controls our happiness or our destiny? 

Most people think that our history decides our destiny, that the past equals the future.  Well….. It can—but only if you live there.  Any study of history shows that the difference in the success or failure of human beings comes down to one thing: an ability to harness the power of decision, often in spite of crazy, adverse conditions. 

“Success and failure are not overnight experiences. It’s the small decisions along the way that cause people to fail or succeed. It’s the power of decision that led Rosa Parks to remain in her seat and state, “No, I will not go to the back of the bus.” It took a forceful decision to compel an unarmed man to stand in front of a tank at Tienanmen Square. It was the strength of decision that led President John F. Kennedy to declare that an American would be first to walk on the moon by the end of the 1960s. “

–Anthony Robbins

Making a decision only takes an instant – but as the quote above states- it requires courage- Just 20 seconds of insane courage, of embarrassing bravery.  It’s the vacillating, over thinking, and worrying that take weeks, months, or years. Once you have made a real decision – it’s instantaneous.  Follow through is the only possible option.

Example: Anyone who knows me knows I used to smoke cigarettes.  A lot. Chimneys had nothing on me.  I also had quit smoking eighty-four thousand times, unsuccessfully. Why? Because I didn’t really want to quit.  I used nicotine as my panacea for stress, my weight loss/maintenance program, my social awkwardness eliminator.  All this, despite the fact that I watched everyone in my family drop dead of heart disease.  I knew better, of course, but my addiction was stronger than any reason I could come up with to quit. It wasn’t until I started to value myself more and started to hate the way I felt, physically, that I made the real decision to quit smoking. I screwed up every bit of courage I had, reminded myself of the compelling reasons I had to quit (my children and grandchild, my health and well being) and I quit cold turkey. I have not picked up one cigarette since then and have no desire to smoke. Not even a tiny bit. Why? Because I’d made a real decision to look past the lies I was telling myself about how smoking was managing my stress, my weight, etc.  I suffered some physical withdrawal symptoms for about a month and then it was over.  I am no more stressed than I was while I smoked. I have not gained an ounce; in fact I’m in far better shape than I ever was.  It was all self-deception. Once I shifted my focus on to gaining good health, instead of losing my ‘pacifier’, being smoke-free became second nature.  I felt extremely powerful and was able to build on that success to make more and more empowering decisions for my life.

Let’s be honest here:  decision is the ultimate power—and there are three core decisions each of us makes every moment of every day. These decisions have the capacity to empower, advance, frustrate or derail us, depending on what we choose:

Decision: What are you choosing to focus on?

Remember that what you place your attention upon is what expands in your life. Do you focus on things you’re excited about, your goals, projects or passions?  Do you focus on things you fear?  Do you “what if” yourself into fear paralysis? Wherever your focus goes, your energy flows.

Decision: What does this mean?

Is the situation you are currently experiencing the end or the beginning? Do you live in a world where you are being punished or rewarded? The minute you decide to focus on something, you give it a meaning. Your definition of any event produces emotion about that event and determines how you feel about it going forward.  But YOU choose what it means.  Your friend didn’t call you back could mean they hate you, could mean they’re busy.  Without talking to them, where does your head automatically go? We need to change the default settings of our thinking to the most positive possibility instead of the most negative.

Decision : What are you going to do about it?

Bottom line: are you going to give up or follow through? The meanings we assign to our life events influence the actions we take as a result. A real, deep-down decision is always preceded by that 20 seconds of insane courage, and is always followed by action, however small.  It’s our decisions, not our conditions that shape the ultimate quality of our lives. The decision you make, right now, can change the course of your life forever.

Be Brave.

Decide.

Act.

Succeed.

 I’ll be right here, cheering you on!

So...Writers Write....Right?

Well hello there!
I know...I know.... I've been maintaining radio silence for way too long..... 
Ever since my brilliant friend Dave Ebersole and I declared 2013 to be "The Year Of Manifesting" (i.e. Publishing!) things have been alternately moving at light speed and getting roadblocked. 
It's truly been feast or famine.

I spent the first part of the year rewriting and performing in "Bad Cupid Cabaret" and writing my play "A Long, Long Way from Home". I was fortunate to have a staged reading in March at the Shubin Theatre, here in Philadelphia, featuring some of the finest actors in the area.  It was well received and I got valuable feedback . 
Feast!
And then my whole creative machine shut down. 


Oh, I did the kind of writing/editing that pays the bills. You know, cleaning up web content and making it pretty, etc. But I was not writing. 
 
I. Was. Not. Writing.
Not a word.
No morning pages.
No journal entries.
No stories
No plays.
No songs.
No nothin'.
It was excruciating.

Famine.


I diverted my focus caring for small children, cooking wonderful meals for my fella, getting a part time gig at a cosmetics store, supporting my fella in his budding acting career, spending way too much time on Facebook.... but I was not writing. Not MY writing, anyway.
Oh, hell and damnation!
I was blocked. 
Now what?

"Let it Go" - The Art of Surrender

Years ago, my BFF and songwriting partner, Mick Loro and I wrote a song called "Let It Go". The song was about surrender. Not the kind of surrender that says "I give up"; but rather the kind of surrender that says "I'm just going to show up, be present and let my obstacles be removed. I'm going to get out of my own head and be there for someone else, for the work, for whatever my soul calls for me to do, and let the results take care of themselves." My favorite line from that song goes: "Come, dance with me... there is great strength in 'we'..."

I needed to forget about "how" things were going to manifest and just get to manifesting. As Oliver Stone says; "Ninety percent of writing is ass + chair."

I had forgotten that. So, about a month ago, I went back to the beginning. I was thinking about my childhood and families in general. Remembering my brother and I listening carefully for how many saints my mother called upon when chastising us, so we would know just how much trouble we were in, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be funny if those saints just started showing up?"  Et Voila! My play "13 Saints", was born. A couple of weeks later, a conversation with a friend spurred an outline for a hilarious children's book series and the feast has begun again.

The upshot of all this is that sometimes our Second Act needs a second act, or a third, fourth or however many are required. There are no quotas on do-overs when you are following your passion. Redirection and refocus is an intelligent part of the process.
Very often all it takes are some very simple (simple not easy) steps to get out of your own way, and avoid the famine altogether.

Like these:

 

Get grateful. Seriously. This step alone is life changing. List 5 things you are grateful for every day. Don't make a mental list. Write them down. I don't know exactly why it works, it just does.

Get consistent. If you're a writer, write, every day. Even if it's complete crap. It's a muscle. It atrophies with disuse. If you're a singer, sing; if you're a painter, paint; if you're a mommy, pour all your energy into creative parenting, if you're a bricklayer, lay some flippin' bricks! You don't get good at something by NOT doing it.


Meditate. That's right, I said meditate. You don't have to go out and study under Deepak Chopra or anything (although, if you have the means, it's not a bad idea). Just spend 15-30 minutes a day getting still.  Be still and listen. Stop texting and listen. Shut your mouth and listen. Stop tweeting and listen. Stop posting on Facebook and listen. Hang up the phone and listen. Be still, and listen. Let the relentless chatter of busy-ness flow out, so something real and inspiring can flow in. You'll be amazed. Promise.

Surrender. You don't have to be religious or spiritual. Just allow for the possibility that maybe, there's something out there bigger than yourself that wants you to succeed as much or more than you do. Just show up for the work and get out of your own way.


It's good to be back.
It's the Second Act of my Second Act.

Here. We. Go.

Get On the Path to a Work Life You Love

 “Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life.”  ~Confucius

 True, that. But what if you don’t love your job? 

What if you are trudging through your work day because you have bills to pay, a family to support, loans to pay off? What then?

Well, then it would appear that you have some soul searching to do and a choice to make. 

In the grand scheme of things this sort of dilemma leaves one with a relatively simple choice. 

If you don’t love what you are doing you have two options: 

Change what you are doing or change how you think about what you are doing. 

(Hey, I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy! Nothing worth doing comes without a degree of difficulty, really.)

So how does one go about making this kind of life change? Make no mistake, it is a life change. As in: lifelong, creating new habits, following through, being really brave, life change! It’s a never ending process but let’s talk about some tools you can use right now to get you started down the path to a work life you love.

 

Purpose

 I believe that everyone has a calling, a purpose. Yes, you too. There is a reason you are here, at this time, with the gifts and talents that you possess. It’s becoming evident that more and more people are becoming conscious if this and asking themselves “Yes, but what is my purpose?” “How will I find it?” “What if I never find it?”  Rest assured if you are seeking, chances are your purpose will find you. But be aware, most times it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work. Also, it almost always comes as a way for you to serve others using your particular gifts and talents. A good guiding question to ask is “How may I serve?” This is particularly important for management and executive staff. Too often leaders get so caught up in authority that they forget that their primary responsibility as a leader is to serve and to inspire those whom they lead. Taking a few moments in the beginning of your work day to reflect on how you can serve the day, your co-workers, and the project you’re working on, or even the company’s vision will start to shift how you see your purpose in your current job. Purpose is always tied to contribution. Always. Asking yourself about your contributions in your work is a great jumping off point.

Passion

 Still, if the job you are currently doing is an absolute soul-sucker and there’s no way you can see yourself happy doing it long term, then you need to start figuring out just what you were put on this earth to do.

OK – Let’s try this exercise: You just won the lottery for twelve gazillion dollars. You never have to worry about finances again. You’ve already bought the home of your dreams, the cars, the clothes, the shoes, the toys, the gadgets. You’ve taken every trip you’ve ever dreamed of and quite frankly, now you’re bored. What would you do for free?  Write it down, right now, without over-thinking, without censoring yourself. There are no wrong answers here.  What is the thing you can get up in the morning and do all day without stopping and still be joyous the whole time? It’s not the same as having an interest. Interests get old after awhile. You lose steam to pursue them. Really dig deep for the thing you would sweat all day long doing, every day, and love every minute of it. There can be more than one thing. You are a limitless being. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you. If you are a dancer who would rather be creating financial portfolios, if you are an professor who loves to build additions on to your house, if you are a call center employee who wakes up singing and dreams all day of being a singer, there is where your passion lives. And where passion lives, purpose lives right next door. Purpose is simply finding a way to do what you love the most, and then do it in service to others. When you do that, you’ve discovered your calling. Congratulations! Now, how can you incorporate this calling into your job and daily life right now? Maybe nursing is your goal, but you work in a corporate office. Can you contact HR and start a health and wellness initiative in your office? Get creative. If your purpose is to teach and you work at a supermarket, volunteer to train or mentor new employees! You get to act on your passion; you are acting in service to others and your employer gets an enthusiastic trainer. Win-Win-win!

Vision

 Ok – so you’ve figured out that you are in fact the world’s greatest untapped source of (insert passion and purpose here). Let’s say, for the sake of argument that you’ve decided your purpose is not best fulfilled by your present job as it presently exists. Good. You know something you don’t want and all knowledge is power. And let’s say you can’t exactly quit your job to go be a realtor or something due to financial responsibilities. Try this technique: Think from the end and then take a step. Thinking from the end means getting clear about your calling (see above) and then getting detailed about what that success looks like. Author Wayne Dyer has a method he uses when sitting down to write one of his many best sellers He gets the title of the book first. He then envisions the cover of his book: the font of the title, the picture on the cover, the bio on the back flap, all of it in great detail. Using this vision he calls his publisher and has them make a sample book jacket and send it to him. Upon receiving the sample, he wraps a random book in the jacket and sits it upright on his desk, in front of his face, as he writes. So as he is creating his vision (his book), it is already manifested, the finished product, complete, right in front of him. This is thinking from the end. The next part is taking a step, any step, even a baby step. Perhaps you enroll in realtor school at night. Maybe you take a dance class. Maybe you commit to writing non-stop for one hour, every day. Take a step and the Universe will conspire on your behalf to bring your vision to you. The best part: the Universe tends to dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever dream for yourself. Much bigger.

So let’s recap:

1. Everyone has a purpose, a reason they are here at this time with their particular talents.
2. The difference between a talent and a purpose is purpose is almost always in service to others.
3. Finding your true passion will lead you to your calling.
4. Envisioning fulfilling your purpose in detail will pull you forward.
5. Think from the end and then take a step. 

 

Skill Practice:

    

Write your Vision and then write your Mission Statement.

    ~Your Vision should start with the words: "I am..... "

    ~Your Mission Statement should start with the words: "I will..."

 

Now, be BRAVE and  1, 2, 3, ACT!!

 

“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams, and endeavor to live the life which you have imagined, you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”   

~Henry David Thoreau