Of Birthdays, Flying Without a Net and the Audacity of Hope

 

Hey Kids!

Dig, if you will, this picture:

Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday.

 Holy Crap!


So.... Here are some thoughts on that fun fact:



What a long, strange trip it's been...

I've managed to do some pretty cool stuff in 52 years. I carried and raised some gorgeous, gifted, smart, hilariously funny, and really, really, ridiculously good looking humans. They're happy and successful people in their own right who are now raising their own families in their own creative and spectacular fashion. So there's that.

I've gained and lost fortunes, been fat, been thin, been fit and strong. Won some battles. Learned some excruciatingly hard lessons. Traveled to some amazing and beautiful places on this big blue marble called Earth. Grieved the loss of loved ones. Celebrated the triumphs of others. Fallen in and out of love, or at least infatuation a few times...Fallen on my behind a thousand times and gotten back up when everything in me said "Don't. You can't. It's too hard. Just lie here. You're exhausted. You're alone. You're too scared. Stay down." That voice is a dream slayer. 
And I can't seem to stop dreaming.
So I keep getting up.
Call it an exercise in the audacity of hope.

Adventure in the great wide somewhere...

So here I sit on the edge of 52 looking over into the next phase of my life.
Wondering why I didn't write this sort of thing at 50? That's the big one, right?
Here's why: When I was nineteen, my mother was 52. 
She was 52 when she went into Bryn Mawr Hospital for treatment of cardiomyopathy, atrial fibrillation and blood clots, developed pneumonia/congestive heart failure and never came out. 
At 52, she transitioned, crossed over, went home, whatever you want to call it.  I watched her die looking into my father's eyes - and life as I knew it changed forever.

So what does that have to do with me at 52? I'm fit, strong, in ridiculously good health, routinely mistaken for ten years younger than I am. How is this relevant? 

See, there's no roadmap from here. I'm winging it. Although, truth be told, I've been flying without a safety net pretty much since that day in October, when I was nineteen and everything changed.  
There's a part of me that's angry with her. 
I know- It's not cool to be mad at the dead, to speak ill of the dead. But the fact remains that there'a a part of me that is flat out angry at her. Because she knew she had a congenital heart disease. She knew. And she smoked. She didn't eat well. She didn't do even the minimal exercise she was allowed, which would have strengthened her and kept her with us. 
 So she checked out at 52, when I was nineteen and I still needed her. 
I still needed her. 


When I was younger I did the same. I smoked, despite watching practically everyone in my family drop dead from heart disease. I ate like crap and comforted myself with food. I didn't take care of me. I was stupid. I was scared and depressed. My kids saved my life a hundred times over just by their very existence. I gained and lost a ton of weight. It wasn't until I was 45 and my granddaughter, Marley looked up at me with her gorgeous eyes that I made a firm decision that I was not checking out. My kids may have missed the grandmother experience, but my grandbabies would not.  I did my first 5k obstacle run at 46.

That's why I'm committed to fitness and helping others achieve their weight loss and fitness goals. That's why I bore you with endless workout and inspiration posts on all of my social media. 
Because it's too important to *not* check out on people who need you. You may not even realize how much they need you. You never know who your smile or kind word is affecting. The lady you chatted up in Costco may have been despairing until you told her how lovely she looked today. The girl at the CVS with the three screaming kids may have felt totally alone until you said, "Boy, do I remember those days- It gets better, I promise." 



So what's next? 
Who knows. 
There's no road-map from here.
Let's wing it. 
Have Adventures. 
Fly without a net.
Love people.
Be present.
You and I are the Ambassadors of the Audacity of Hope.

Insane Courage, Embarrassing Bravery

The question I ponder more than any other most days is this: 

What makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives? 

Is there a single factor that shapes and controls our happiness or our destiny? 

Most people think that our history decides our destiny, that the past equals the future.  Well….. It can—but only if you live there.  Any study of history shows that the difference in the success or failure of human beings comes down to one thing: an ability to harness the power of decision, often in spite of crazy, adverse conditions. 

“Success and failure are not overnight experiences. It’s the small decisions along the way that cause people to fail or succeed. It’s the power of decision that led Rosa Parks to remain in her seat and state, “No, I will not go to the back of the bus.” It took a forceful decision to compel an unarmed man to stand in front of a tank at Tienanmen Square. It was the strength of decision that led President John F. Kennedy to declare that an American would be first to walk on the moon by the end of the 1960s. “

–Anthony Robbins

Making a decision only takes an instant – but as the quote above states- it requires courage- Just 20 seconds of insane courage, of embarrassing bravery.  It’s the vacillating, over thinking, and worrying that take weeks, months, or years. Once you have made a real decision – it’s instantaneous.  Follow through is the only possible option.

Example: Anyone who knows me knows I used to smoke cigarettes.  A lot. Chimneys had nothing on me.  I also had quit smoking eighty-four thousand times, unsuccessfully. Why? Because I didn’t really want to quit.  I used nicotine as my panacea for stress, my weight loss/maintenance program, my social awkwardness eliminator.  All this, despite the fact that I watched everyone in my family drop dead of heart disease.  I knew better, of course, but my addiction was stronger than any reason I could come up with to quit. It wasn’t until I started to value myself more and started to hate the way I felt, physically, that I made the real decision to quit smoking. I screwed up every bit of courage I had, reminded myself of the compelling reasons I had to quit (my children and grandchild, my health and well being) and I quit cold turkey. I have not picked up one cigarette since then and have no desire to smoke. Not even a tiny bit. Why? Because I’d made a real decision to look past the lies I was telling myself about how smoking was managing my stress, my weight, etc.  I suffered some physical withdrawal symptoms for about a month and then it was over.  I am no more stressed than I was while I smoked. I have not gained an ounce; in fact I’m in far better shape than I ever was.  It was all self-deception. Once I shifted my focus on to gaining good health, instead of losing my ‘pacifier’, being smoke-free became second nature.  I felt extremely powerful and was able to build on that success to make more and more empowering decisions for my life.

Let’s be honest here:  decision is the ultimate power—and there are three core decisions each of us makes every moment of every day. These decisions have the capacity to empower, advance, frustrate or derail us, depending on what we choose:

Decision: What are you choosing to focus on?

Remember that what you place your attention upon is what expands in your life. Do you focus on things you’re excited about, your goals, projects or passions?  Do you focus on things you fear?  Do you “what if” yourself into fear paralysis? Wherever your focus goes, your energy flows.

Decision: What does this mean?

Is the situation you are currently experiencing the end or the beginning? Do you live in a world where you are being punished or rewarded? The minute you decide to focus on something, you give it a meaning. Your definition of any event produces emotion about that event and determines how you feel about it going forward.  But YOU choose what it means.  Your friend didn’t call you back could mean they hate you, could mean they’re busy.  Without talking to them, where does your head automatically go? We need to change the default settings of our thinking to the most positive possibility instead of the most negative.

Decision : What are you going to do about it?

Bottom line: are you going to give up or follow through? The meanings we assign to our life events influence the actions we take as a result. A real, deep-down decision is always preceded by that 20 seconds of insane courage, and is always followed by action, however small.  It’s our decisions, not our conditions that shape the ultimate quality of our lives. The decision you make, right now, can change the course of your life forever.

Be Brave.

Decide.

Act.

Succeed.

 I’ll be right here, cheering you on!

Resolutions Schmesolutions...

Hello! Happy New Year!!

I know it's popular to make New Year's Resolutions and I'm all for setting goals. 
That said, haven't resolutions become kind of a symbolic promise that you know that you probably won't keep?
On  January 1st, we're all going to lose 10 pounds, stop smoking, stop nail biting, volunteer, go to the gym, etc. (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) which usually lasts until about January 15th, optimistically.

I'd like to offer an alternative, which is forming a plan to achieve what you really, really, really, really want. (Yes, all four 'reallys' are necessary.)

What is it You Really, Really, Really, Really Want?

ok - So you've set a goal, or several. Fantastic!
Now let's build some legs under it so it can take off, running!
Is it what you really, really, really, really want?
Here's how to tell:

Really #1 = Passion
For a goal to succeed, it requires more than intellectual processing, more than muscle and sweat. To be consistent, day after day, requires an investment of emotion! Fire! Passion! It all boils down to love. If your goal is to lose weight - following through will require you to love YOU and your health more than the cheesecake. (Tough choice, I know!) If your goal is to build your sideline business, you have to love it enough to turn off the TV and spend your valuable leisure time nurturing it like the little baby creation it is. (This often includes sacrificing sleep!) If your goal is to get strong and fit you have to love your body (and your loved ones) enough to put down the cigs, go to the gym every day and work through the awkwardness, the sweat, the soreness and discomfort in order to be stronger and healthier for your life and your family. This can't be some "I should" obligation. This kind of passion requires true love. Love for yourself and your dreams. Knowing that you are worthy of a success filled, passionate, joyous LIFE, not just a flat-line existence. Passion.

Really #2 = Vision
 "He stood in the presence of God, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence those things that do not yet exist." Romans 4:17
Those are some powerful words. 
And I remember, as a teenager, the first time I read them, thinking: "That is an instruction." I know I sound like a broken record - but it has been made evident to me over and over again that we, as humans, are never given a vision, without being given the provision to "call into existence those things that do not yet exist." It's the very nature of the creative impulse. Heck, it's the original Creative impulse. Every great thing invented, written, composed, achieved was first conceived by someone with a very clear vision.
Wayne Dyer wrote a book called "You'll See it When You Believe It." Read that again. It's not a type-o. It's not backwards. So go ahead- see it. Get a detailed picture in your mind of what achievement of your goal looks like. Is it running a marathon? (Can you see yourself crossing the finish line, covered in sweat and feel how shaky your legs are?) Is it giving up your day job and making a living at your true calling? Is it buying a new home? (What does it look like? Can you smell the cedar lined walk-in closet?) Is it financial security? Call it up! Call it into existence in your mind as real as if it were already done. Feel the feelings of success. (see above section on passion) What does it feel like? Enjoy those triumphant feelings right now. Make it real in your imagination. It's your vision.

Really #3 = Mastery
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle
This is the nuts and bolts of it all. Mastery is really a poetic word for repetition. Athletes know all about this. All athletes have drills that they perform daily until their bodies find those movements to be second nature. Musicians run scales until they no longer have to think about where the notes are. Writer/Director Oliver Stone has a sign over his desk that reads: "“Writing equals ass plus chair.”  This is where your passion and vision must sustain you through the boring bit.  I always told my children when they were small - "You don't get good at something by NOT doing it."  So do it. Even if you suck. Especially if you suck. If you persist with passion and vision, you will succeed. It's like potty training - it really isn't important how long it takes you to get it. It is very important that you get it. If it's your goal - keep plugging away. Time is your friend.  
Really #4 = Surrender
This is a tough one for many many people. This surrender is not about giving up. It's about knowing that you have the passion, the vision and you are doing the work. It's about relinquishing the "how" of it all and letting success show up on its own terms and not necessarily dressed up like you thought it would be. Releasing the need to control outcomes and surrendering to the flow of energy allows abundance to show up. Relative to what we think, we ask our intuition what we need to do to manifest the intention we hold. Then honor the intuitive guidance we get. Here we need to understand that the intuitive guidance we get may not be in line with our preconceived notion but the direction we need to travel is correct. It will get us to our goal. Surrender, know you are worthy of all good things and trust your gut.

Real change doesn't have to be hard and scary. 

You just have to really, really, really, really want it. 

 

Happy, Joyous, Abundant New Year!