Of Birthdays, Flying Without a Net and the Audacity of Hope

 

Hey Kids!

Dig, if you will, this picture:

Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday.

 Holy Crap!


So.... Here are some thoughts on that fun fact:



What a long, strange trip it's been...

I've managed to do some pretty cool stuff in 52 years. I carried and raised some gorgeous, gifted, smart, hilariously funny, and really, really, ridiculously good looking humans. They're happy and successful people in their own right who are now raising their own families in their own creative and spectacular fashion. So there's that.

I've gained and lost fortunes, been fat, been thin, been fit and strong. Won some battles. Learned some excruciatingly hard lessons. Traveled to some amazing and beautiful places on this big blue marble called Earth. Grieved the loss of loved ones. Celebrated the triumphs of others. Fallen in and out of love, or at least infatuation a few times...Fallen on my behind a thousand times and gotten back up when everything in me said "Don't. You can't. It's too hard. Just lie here. You're exhausted. You're alone. You're too scared. Stay down." That voice is a dream slayer. 
And I can't seem to stop dreaming.
So I keep getting up.
Call it an exercise in the audacity of hope.

Adventure in the great wide somewhere...

So here I sit on the edge of 52 looking over into the next phase of my life.
Wondering why I didn't write this sort of thing at 50? That's the big one, right?
Here's why: When I was nineteen, my mother was 52. 
She was 52 when she went into Bryn Mawr Hospital for treatment of cardiomyopathy, atrial fibrillation and blood clots, developed pneumonia/congestive heart failure and never came out. 
At 52, she transitioned, crossed over, went home, whatever you want to call it.  I watched her die looking into my father's eyes - and life as I knew it changed forever.

So what does that have to do with me at 52? I'm fit, strong, in ridiculously good health, routinely mistaken for ten years younger than I am. How is this relevant? 

See, there's no roadmap from here. I'm winging it. Although, truth be told, I've been flying without a safety net pretty much since that day in October, when I was nineteen and everything changed.  
There's a part of me that's angry with her. 
I know- It's not cool to be mad at the dead, to speak ill of the dead. But the fact remains that there'a a part of me that is flat out angry at her. Because she knew she had a congenital heart disease. She knew. And she smoked. She didn't eat well. She didn't do even the minimal exercise she was allowed, which would have strengthened her and kept her with us. 
 So she checked out at 52, when I was nineteen and I still needed her. 
I still needed her. 


When I was younger I did the same. I smoked, despite watching practically everyone in my family drop dead from heart disease. I ate like crap and comforted myself with food. I didn't take care of me. I was stupid. I was scared and depressed. My kids saved my life a hundred times over just by their very existence. I gained and lost a ton of weight. It wasn't until I was 45 and my granddaughter, Marley looked up at me with her gorgeous eyes that I made a firm decision that I was not checking out. My kids may have missed the grandmother experience, but my grandbabies would not.  I did my first 5k obstacle run at 46.

That's why I'm committed to fitness and helping others achieve their weight loss and fitness goals. That's why I bore you with endless workout and inspiration posts on all of my social media. 
Because it's too important to *not* check out on people who need you. You may not even realize how much they need you. You never know who your smile or kind word is affecting. The lady you chatted up in Costco may have been despairing until you told her how lovely she looked today. The girl at the CVS with the three screaming kids may have felt totally alone until you said, "Boy, do I remember those days- It gets better, I promise." 



So what's next? 
Who knows. 
There's no road-map from here.
Let's wing it. 
Have Adventures. 
Fly without a net.
Love people.
Be present.
You and I are the Ambassadors of the Audacity of Hope.

Fabulous and Fit is a Lifestyle!

Some of you may already know that I've become a coach over at Team BeachBody! 
I decided to do this because there is an underserved market of people who want an intense work out, with intense results but may not want to go to a gym. I personally love to lift, but prefer to sweat in private when it's at all possible. So if you want to get fit together, and want it personalized for YOU; you should probably get in touch. I'd love to help.
Just click HERE to contact me about coaching.

We're all grown ups here and let's be honest. Most of us work out because the alternative is sagging, bagging, bloating and feeling like crap. 
Nobody likes that. 
Gravity is the enemy.

That said, once fitness becomes a part of your life you discover that endorphins are as addictive as any other 'feel good' substance. Yes, including Oreos and wine.
On the days you don't work out you feel sluggish, restless and just "off". 

So how do you get to this state of endorphin bliss if the thought of going to the gym every day makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out?
That's easy.
Don't go to the gym.
I can hear the cries of "Blasphemer!" coming from my fitness addicted friends already.

 
The reality is, all you need to be fit is a good pair of shoes and a real desire to be fit. There's no magic at a gym, other than the fact that things are a bit more convenient there. I mean all that equipment in one place and all. 

 But I see really fit people doing things like flipping truck tires, running marathons and scaling cliff sides with nary a gym in sight. They do however, all have really good shoes.

Once you have the shoes, then really all it takes, as author Tony Robbins says, is the three S's 

 The right Strategy, Story and State.

Strategy - Well really, this is the easiest of the three. You don't need me to outline a strategy for you, there is certainly no shortage. You can easily open any magazine, turn on your TV, or go to one of the zillion websites devoted to getting you fit. (But since I love ya and for your convenience, I will link a few below) If you hate the idea of a gym, there are martial arts and kick boxing classes that meet outside, there are hiking clubs, you can get a bicycle, do yoga in your living room, dance in your kitchen, run around the block or walk the mall (where it's always 70 degrees and the people are nice!).  Beach Body offers a plethora of programs to suit any style and fitness level right in your own home. You just press play. Quite frankly, all you need is to do something, anything, that makes you breathe hard and sweat for one hour a day. (Yes, sex counts too!) The most basic activity is also one of the most effective: Just walk as if you are late, for an hour a day. You can do that anywhere. Strategy? Check.

Story- Ah, this is where it gets a little trickier. Because we all have a story. The most common are "I don't have enough" stories. I don't have enough time, money, energy, I'm not healthy enough to exercise, whatever. The kicker is, those may be absolutely true facts. But the facts are less important that the story you tell yourself about those facts.
Story:"I've tried everything". Really? Everything? Is that really a true statement? When I question people on what they've tried what I usually find out is they've tried the same three things, that don't work, over and over. That is not trying everything. That's being stuck in your story. A new story you could tell yourself would be "I'm going to try one new thing a week until I find something that works for me."
Story: "I don't have time." We all have the same twenty four hours in a day. That's a fact. The new story you could tell yourself is "I'm going to set aside one, just one, of those hours to take care of this body, since it's the only one I get."
Story:"I don't have enough money." I think we've already clarified that all you really need is a pair of shoes. Pretty cost effective. Money isn't even a story. It's an excuse.

I would like to suggest to you that you state the facts, but then tell yourself a different story about those facts.

Here are some links that will illustrate what I'm talking about:

Walking to Heal Body and Soul

I Promise to be Fit by 50

Ernestine Started Fitness at 56, now at 75 is the World's Oldest Bodybuilder

These people told themselves a different story, an empowering story. And so can you. Enough said.

State- This is the most important "S".  You can't plan a successful strategy or tell yourself an empowering story if you are in a crappy emotional state. To quote Tony Robbins: "The psychological and emotional state we are in at any moment in time tends to shape our story. We all develop emotional patterns—moods—that filter how we look at our lives. The states we go into most often then become the most powerful filter of all. This filter determines whether or not we find the strategies necessary to succeed and whether or not we come up with a story that will empower us."  So how does one change a crappy state? In this case, it may seem like we need to put the cart before the horse. Because the fact is that motion creates emotion. For example: Did you ever say to yourself, "I really don't feel like working out today, I'm tired, I'm hungry, Can't I just sit down and eat a cookie?" (disempowering story) and then you say to yourself, "Ok, maybe I'll just walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes, just  so I don't have to feel guilty about the cookie." So you put on some upbeat music and trudge your tired, hungry self over to the treadmill. Amazingly, once the 15 minutes has passed, Lo and Behold, you do another 15, then another and you end up feeling fantastic. And the story you're now telling yourself is, "I'm fabulous. I bet I could eat TWO cookies now but I won't because I don't want to undo all my hard work."  Congratulations, you've changed your state.

 
 Only after your state and story are truly aligned with your desired outcomes can you identify the strategies and make the decisions that will lead you to success. One moment is all it takes: With a new state, a new story and a new strategy, life will never be the same again.

 

 
I would add two S's to Mr. Robbins', when talking specifically about fitness:

 Shoes - We've covered this, but let me reiterate. This is the only basic tool you need, so don't get stingy. Buy the best shoes you can afford for the activities that interest you. Cross-trainers are a good all purpose choice to start out.  Your knees and ankles will thank you.
 
Supplements- Let's face it - we're Second Actors, we're not kids anymore. The supplements that I take and that I am comfortable recommending are:

• A good multivitamin- this is essential for anyone of any age. 
• Shakeology -  I know you have no time. If you're grabbing a bagel or donut and coffee on the fly (and let's be honest, who isn't?), this is a supercharged alternative. It's yummy. It's filling. It won't make you sluggish or have a sugar crash like that donut and coffee will.  Do yourself a favor. Seriously. 
• Estroven - for those of you who, like me, are experiencing that special joy that is perimenopause and don't wish to go the hormone replacement route
• SeroVital-hgh - This is a series of amino acids that cause your pituitary gland to release your own natural human growth hormone at the levels it did when you were younger. It's really worked for me and has changed my life.

Please be responsible and consult your doctor before taking ANY supplement.
 
Here are the links I promised:

Team BeachBody (P90x, Insanity, HipHop Abs, Piyo, et al)
HasFit - Free online workouts
Yoga 
CrossFit Workout of the Day (WOD) 

 Now get out there and show everyone how we Second Actors roll!

Insane Courage, Embarrassing Bravery

The question I ponder more than any other most days is this: 

What makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives? 

Is there a single factor that shapes and controls our happiness or our destiny? 

Most people think that our history decides our destiny, that the past equals the future.  Well….. It can—but only if you live there.  Any study of history shows that the difference in the success or failure of human beings comes down to one thing: an ability to harness the power of decision, often in spite of crazy, adverse conditions. 

“Success and failure are not overnight experiences. It’s the small decisions along the way that cause people to fail or succeed. It’s the power of decision that led Rosa Parks to remain in her seat and state, “No, I will not go to the back of the bus.” It took a forceful decision to compel an unarmed man to stand in front of a tank at Tienanmen Square. It was the strength of decision that led President John F. Kennedy to declare that an American would be first to walk on the moon by the end of the 1960s. “

–Anthony Robbins

Making a decision only takes an instant – but as the quote above states- it requires courage- Just 20 seconds of insane courage, of embarrassing bravery.  It’s the vacillating, over thinking, and worrying that take weeks, months, or years. Once you have made a real decision – it’s instantaneous.  Follow through is the only possible option.

Example: Anyone who knows me knows I used to smoke cigarettes.  A lot. Chimneys had nothing on me.  I also had quit smoking eighty-four thousand times, unsuccessfully. Why? Because I didn’t really want to quit.  I used nicotine as my panacea for stress, my weight loss/maintenance program, my social awkwardness eliminator.  All this, despite the fact that I watched everyone in my family drop dead of heart disease.  I knew better, of course, but my addiction was stronger than any reason I could come up with to quit. It wasn’t until I started to value myself more and started to hate the way I felt, physically, that I made the real decision to quit smoking. I screwed up every bit of courage I had, reminded myself of the compelling reasons I had to quit (my children and grandchild, my health and well being) and I quit cold turkey. I have not picked up one cigarette since then and have no desire to smoke. Not even a tiny bit. Why? Because I’d made a real decision to look past the lies I was telling myself about how smoking was managing my stress, my weight, etc.  I suffered some physical withdrawal symptoms for about a month and then it was over.  I am no more stressed than I was while I smoked. I have not gained an ounce; in fact I’m in far better shape than I ever was.  It was all self-deception. Once I shifted my focus on to gaining good health, instead of losing my ‘pacifier’, being smoke-free became second nature.  I felt extremely powerful and was able to build on that success to make more and more empowering decisions for my life.

Let’s be honest here:  decision is the ultimate power—and there are three core decisions each of us makes every moment of every day. These decisions have the capacity to empower, advance, frustrate or derail us, depending on what we choose:

Decision: What are you choosing to focus on?

Remember that what you place your attention upon is what expands in your life. Do you focus on things you’re excited about, your goals, projects or passions?  Do you focus on things you fear?  Do you “what if” yourself into fear paralysis? Wherever your focus goes, your energy flows.

Decision: What does this mean?

Is the situation you are currently experiencing the end or the beginning? Do you live in a world where you are being punished or rewarded? The minute you decide to focus on something, you give it a meaning. Your definition of any event produces emotion about that event and determines how you feel about it going forward.  But YOU choose what it means.  Your friend didn’t call you back could mean they hate you, could mean they’re busy.  Without talking to them, where does your head automatically go? We need to change the default settings of our thinking to the most positive possibility instead of the most negative.

Decision : What are you going to do about it?

Bottom line: are you going to give up or follow through? The meanings we assign to our life events influence the actions we take as a result. A real, deep-down decision is always preceded by that 20 seconds of insane courage, and is always followed by action, however small.  It’s our decisions, not our conditions that shape the ultimate quality of our lives. The decision you make, right now, can change the course of your life forever.

Be Brave.

Decide.

Act.

Succeed.

 I’ll be right here, cheering you on!

Second Act Fitness: Gravity is the Enemy.

So I've decided that Wednesdays are Fitness Day here at the Second Act.
I suppose I could give it some cutesie name like "Woohoo Workout Wednesdays!" 
But I'm not.
We're all grown ups here and let's be honest. Most of us work out because the alternative is sagging, bagging, bloating and feeling like crap. 
Nobody likes that. 
Gravity is the enemy.

That said, once fitness becomes a part of your life you discover that endorphins are as addictive as any other 'feel good' substance. Yes, including Oreos and wine.
On the days you don't work out you feel sluggish, restless and just "off". 

So how do you get to this state of endorphin bliss if the thought of going to the gym every day makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out?
That's easy.
Don't go to the gym.
I can hear the cries of "Blasphemer!" coming from my fitness addicted friends already.

 
The reality is, all you need to be fit is a good pair of shoes and a real desire to be fit. There's no magic at a gym, other than the fact that things are a bit more convenient there. I mean all that equipment in one place and all. 

 But I see really fit people doing things like flipping truck tires, running marathons and scaling cliff sides with nary a gym in sight. They do however, all have really good shoes.

Once you have the shoes, then really all it takes, as author Tony Robbins says, is the three S's 

 The right Strategy, Story and State.

Strategy - Well really, this is the easiest of the three. You don't need me to outline a strategy for you, there is certainly no shortage. You can easily open any magazine, turn on your TV, or go to one of the zillion websites devoted to getting you fit. (But since I love ya and for your convenience, I will link a few below) If you hate the idea of a gym, there are martial arts and kick boxing classes that meet outside, there are hiking clubs, you can get a bicycle, do yoga in your living room, dance in your kitchen, run around the block or walk the mall (where it's always 70 degrees and the people are nice!). Beach Body offers a plethora of programs to suit any style and fitness level right in your own home. You just press play. Quite frankly, all you need is to do something, anything, that makes you breathe hard and sweat for one hour a day. (Yes, sex counts too!) The most basic activity is also one of the most effective: Just walk as if you are late, for an hour a day. You can do that anywhere. Strategy? Check.

Story- Ah, this is where it gets a little trickier. Because we all have a story. The most common are "I don't have enough" stories. I don't have enough time, money, energy, I'm not healthy enough to exercise, whatever. The kicker is, those may be absolutely true facts. But the facts are less important that the story you tell yourself about those facts.
Story:"I've tried everything". Really? Everything? Is that really a true statement? When I question people on what they've tried what I usually find out is they've tried the same three things, that don't work, over and over. That is not trying everything. That's being stuck in your story. A new story you could tell yourself would be "I'm going to try one new thing a week until I find something that works for me."
Story: "I don't have time." We all have the same twenty four hours in a day. That's a fact. The new story you could tell yourself is "I'm going to set aside one, just one, of those hours to take care of this body, since it's the only one I get."
Story:"I don't have enough money." I think we've already clarified that all you really need is a pair of shoes. Pretty cost effective. Money isn't even a story. It's an excuse.

I would like to suggest to you that you state the facts, but then tell yourself a different story about those facts.

Here are some links that will illustrate what I'm talking about:

Walking to Heal Body and Soul

I Promise to be Fit by 50

Ernestine Started Fitness at 56, now at 75 is the World's Oldest Bodybuilder

These people told themselves a different story, an empowering story. And so can you. Enough said.

State- This is the most important "S".  You can't plan a successful strategy or tell yourself an empowering story if you are in a crappy emotional state. To quote Tony Robbins: "The psychological and emotional state we are in at any moment in time tends to shape our story. We all develop emotional patterns—moods—that filter how we look at our lives. The states we go into most often then become the most powerful filter of all. This filter determines whether or not we find the strategies necessary to succeed and whether or not we come up with a story that will empower us."  So how does one change a crappy state? In this case, it may seem like we need to put the cart before the horse. Because the fact is that motion creates emotion. For example: Did you ever say to yourself, "I really don't feel like working out today, I'm tired, I'm hungry, Can't I just sit down and eat a cookie?" (disempowering story) and then you say to yourself, "Ok, maybe I'll just walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes, just  so I don't have to feel guilty about the cookie." So you put on some upbeat music and trudge your tired, hungry self over to the treadmill. Amazingly, once the 15 minutes has passed, Lo and Behold, you do another 15, then another and you end up feeling fantastic. And the story you're now telling yourself is, "I'm fabulous. I bet I could eat TWO cookies now but I won't because I don't want to undo all my hard work."  Congratulations, you've changed your state.

 
 Only after your state and story are truly aligned with your desired outcomes can you identify the strategies and make the decisions that will lead you to success. One moment is all it takes: With a new state, a new story and a new strategy, life will never be the same again.

 

 
I would add two S's to Mr. Robbins', when talking specifically about fitness:

 Shoes - We've covered this, but let me reiterate. This is the only basic tool you need, so don't get stingy. Buy the best shoes you can afford for the activities that interest you. Cross-trainers are a good all purpose choice to start out.  Your knees and ankles will thank you.
 
Supplements- Let's face it - we're Second Actors, we're not kids anymore. The supplements that I take and that I am comfortable recommending are:

• A good multivitamin- this is essential for anyone of any age.
• Estroven - for those of you who, like me, are experiencing that special joy that is perimenopause and don't wish to go the hormone replacement route
• SeroVital-hgh - This is a series of amino acids that cause your pituitary gland to release your own natural human growth hormone at the levels it did when you were younger. It's really worked for me and has changed my life.

Please be responsible and consult your doctor before taking ANY supplement.
 
Here are the links I promised - All are free:

HasFit - Free online workouts
Yoga 
CrossFit Workout of the Day (WOD) 

 Now get out there and show those kids how we Second Actors roll!